We went by caravan.
Little farm tourists, pioneers of produce.
We left the coffee-house,
heading, southbound—like migrating
fowl—brash and daring, against the storm.
The hills grew in the approach—
all naked and cavalier,
beautifully tawny in the misted sun.
They crept toward us,
gnarled foothill fingers grappling
for choice valley real estate.
We go in Californian élan,
following the rolling earthen
pudenda down and
into Los Angeles’s gritty glitz
and her shitty Hollywood kitsch.
Heading for hills
great theme senor keith,
I liked this a lot -- compact language and yet you paint vivid pictures, descriptions are great, they remind me of horse and wagon on the endless plains.
Selling produce to make a living, daring to enter a world you could do without and yet necessary for your survivial and the undercurrent of it all I feel: your mythos , culture from the plains is challenged when you have veered too far from the plains -- this is an example of how I have personally manufactured meaning from your poem -- so the text for me is plural -- isn't poetry great !
Im sorry to say the poet is irrelevant in this -- nothing exists outside the text as derrida would say - LOL , the text becomes readerly !
take care
arco
I liked this a lot -- compact language and yet you paint vivid pictures, descriptions are great, they remind me of horse and wagon on the endless plains.
Selling produce to make a living, daring to enter a world you could do without and yet necessary for your survivial and the undercurrent of it all I feel: your mythos , culture from the plains is challenged when you have veered too far from the plains -- this is an example of how I have personally manufactured meaning from your poem -- so the text for me is plural -- isn't poetry great !
Im sorry to say the poet is irrelevant in this -- nothing exists outside the text as derrida would say - LOL , the text becomes readerly !
take care
arco
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lemur
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Edinburgh, traitor that I am
I really liked this - liked the brevity of the first line, the statement that leads into the rest of the story. Felt it definitely was a story, this one. Enjoyed 'pudenda down' and the last two lines - only bit I wasn't sure of was the 'like migrating fowl' simile, it just felt a bit forced, and there didn't seem to be any reason to compare the travellers to birds (or that birds would be brash and daring)?
I wondered about the title - maybe it could be something that alludes/describes the travellers themselves?
I wondered about the title - maybe it could be something that alludes/describes the travellers themselves?
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juliadebeauvoir
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2083
- Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2006 2:42 am
- Location: East of Eden
Keith,
I have always admired your way of combining the sublime and stark reality together which you do very well here.
Your opening gets right to the point, the middle dallies on the sublime and then ends with a kick.
And although I have never been to Los Angelos, I have no doubt it is exactly the way you describe it. Nice read.
I have always admired your way of combining the sublime and stark reality together which you do very well here.
Your opening gets right to the point, the middle dallies on the sublime and then ends with a kick.
And although I have never been to Los Angelos, I have no doubt it is exactly the way you describe it. Nice read.
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."