Nasturtiums

[lemur]

Nasturtiums

In white so white it vitrifies,
the dress of a queen
glass chess piece,
you take up your position.

As you glide the aisle
your name's effaced, replaced
by someone else's.
The two men nod
and pass you on.

Woman, you could have chosen
a circus of colour -
nasturtiums, reds and yellows,
in gowns of clowns and pelts of suns
with attendant bees as ushers.
You could have summoned, shaman-like,
the hive, ten thousand soldiers.

In your dress you keep quite still;
a blank horizon,
wanting to be coloured in.
Or idle bell, waiting to ring
in the slick vanilla morning.

[David]

I like it a lot. The first two verses are nice, although the second one may not be required at all - do we need to make this anti-patriarchal point? Maybe we do.

The last two verses, however, are just tremendous - a sudden explosion of colour. The third is my favourite, but the last two lines are great.

I'm still not sure I understand the full effect of "the slick vanilla morning" - nothing like a jingle jangle morning, is it? - but it's a beautiful phrase.

Good stuff lemur.

[kozmikdave]

Gidday

Beautiful language and imagery in this one.

For what it's worth, I think the second stanza goes perfectly well with the last. The argument is a serious one and needs to be stated. The whole poem to me is about loss of identity. Being male, I don't have to lose my identity in the same way but it was suggested by my wife, pre-marriage, that I change my name rather than her. I decided to go with tradition - easy way out.

Great imagery in this:

a circus of colour -
nasturtiums, reds and yellows,
in gowns of clowns and pelts of suns
with attendant bees as ushers.
You could have summoned, shaman-like,
the hive, ten thousand soldiers.

Favourite line however is:

in the slick vanilla morning

As david saw - a little Dylanesque.

Cheers
Dave

[lemur]

Thanks for the comments. I went to a wedding in the summer and the bride sitting at the top table, surrounded by courtiers, reminded me of a chess piece, in her row of eight. Then I started thinking about the different types of queenhood, and whether it's better to be a chess piece or a bee. Still thinking about that one...

[twoleftfeet]

Hi,

I enjoyed the chess board and beehive analogies here, plus the
vitrified glass and "blank canvas" images.

I'm assuming that "vanilla" is the colour of the bride's dress, other than
that, I've absolutely no idea what it could mean, but hey it sounds great!

Like Kozmik, I think the second stanza should be retained.
"The two men nod and pass you on"
- what better way to describe a dynastic or arranged marriage?

Plaudits
Geoff