A Sexual En-counter *Explicit Material - Easily Offensive*

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goin to far? or not far enough? or just right?

too far :(
1
20%
not far enough :)
3
60%
Just right :I
1
20%
 
Total votes: 5
Delboy
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Location: newcastle upon tyne

Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:18 pm

The sweat, dripping from her dew swept nose,
Her heavy, lung deep panting, rupturing his heart,
His sharp breaths, mimicked by her own.

She teases, tantalises and torments his errect body,
While he correses her, commands her, conquer's her,
Controling her every movement.

With the tips of his fingers, feeling like the very edge of exsitance,
He slice's into her, like a knife through butter.

Feeling her move, mumble and moan,
Feeling her become wet, winded and weiry.

He slides his sweat drenched body over her,
Wiping the sticky hair from her eyes,
Their lush lips touch, slowly, steadily, sexually.

His blue eyes, take in every inch of her naked frame,
As she runs her palms over his arched back,
And stares into him, un-blinking.

And moves her hand lovingly downward,
Grabs forcefully, his errect penis,
And ushers him into her, softly, sweetly and sumtusly.

The rocking motion, as he moves back and forth,
Penatrating her, pounding her, puncturing her.

Her screams getting, louder and louder, faster and faster, higher and higher...

He pushes harder and harder, quicker and quicker, deeper and deeper...

until....... BANG!!

The starters gun has fired,
The 'Tour de Sperm' has begun,
The finish line is in sight.

Odd's of 6,000,000/1...
with no clear favourite...

such is the nature of the unspoken act....

...SEX!
Bombadil
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Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:33 pm

I'm too busy laughing to critique this well...

Tour de Sperm?

Oh, fuck.

Giggles all around. And, sorry bud, but your spelling ruined it for me...long before the cliches could.

I'm still laughing...

--A.S.
Delboy
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2005 8:44 am
Location: newcastle upon tyne

Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:50 pm

well i am the worlds worst speler! and i did just write this as a little bit of a piss take!! :P but am glad a could make you laugh! But my other ones are not as bad, i can assure you! :D
Delboy
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alex69williams
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Sat Apr 16, 2005 11:43 am

delboy,

i agree wiv AS, yr spelling ruined it 4 me. another thing i didn't like was the fact that u talk about foreplay etc in abstract terms but then when it comes to sex, u start using ordinary words like 'penis' and 'rocking motion'. Just thought u cudve come up with better more unique imagery for those.

otherwise, i liked it. it wasn't too long, it held its momentum, it painted a vivid picture and no, it wasn't too offensive. But shit, if it was, who'd care anyway? poetry is poetry.

cheers

alex
Delboy
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Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2005 8:44 am
Location: newcastle upon tyne

Sat Apr 16, 2005 1:05 pm

thanks alex,

its was one of the first poems i ever wrote, and ive just decided to post it now!

As i sed to AS, i might invest in a spell checker :D that may help me...

But i think i might take it apart and change a few things...

and i know what you mean about the changing from abstract terms into more physical...

and rest assured i will take that into account...

thanks again...

delboy
Delboy
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