Autumn has already stripped the trees of their green foliage
(a first tiny, faltering step on the road to our Green utopia;
a strange vacancy and chillness of the heart;
the vernal years of a prehistorian).
The young girls waggling their hips crazily -
so were the Sirens ogres - pretty blue-eyed things - singing their melodious wheedles.
Reaching behind to zip up the skirt she was going to wear to chuch.
The refrigerator whinnied into silence:
summer is wheeling slowly towards its end.
Muffled sounds of a radio, the whine of an electric shaver,
the little brook that whimpered by his school-house.
There speaks the whilom managing editor of the Journal of Bacteriology:
he saw the stars whirling on their silent axes.
On mountain tops to chase the tusky boar.
------------------------------
Each line an exemplary usage as quoted by the Oxford English Dictionary (special emphasis on 'wh' words), some abbreviated.
OED
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Robert E. Jordan
K-j,
Lots of interesting words in this. A few changes listed below.
Bobby
Autumn has already stripped the trees of their green foliage
(a first tiny, faltering step on the road to our Green utopia;
a strange vacancy and chillness of the heart;
the vernal years of a prehistorian).
The young girls waggling their hips crazily -
so were the Sirens ogres - pretty blue-eyed things - singing their melodious wheedles.
Reaching behind to zip up the skirt she was going to wear to chuch <b>try “church”</b>.
The refrigerator whinnied into silence:
summer is wheeling slowly towards its end.
Muffled sounds of a radio, the whine of an electric shaver,
the little brook that whimpered by his school-house. <b>”schoolhouse”</b>
There speaks the whilom managing editor of the Journal of Bacteriology:
he saw the stars whirling on their silent axes.
On mountain tops <b>try “mountaintops”</b> to chase the tusky boar.
Lots of interesting words in this. A few changes listed below.
Bobby
Autumn has already stripped the trees of their green foliage
(a first tiny, faltering step on the road to our Green utopia;
a strange vacancy and chillness of the heart;
the vernal years of a prehistorian).
The young girls waggling their hips crazily -
so were the Sirens ogres - pretty blue-eyed things - singing their melodious wheedles.
Reaching behind to zip up the skirt she was going to wear to chuch <b>try “church”</b>.
The refrigerator whinnied into silence:
summer is wheeling slowly towards its end.
Muffled sounds of a radio, the whine of an electric shaver,
the little brook that whimpered by his school-house. <b>”schoolhouse”</b>
There speaks the whilom managing editor of the Journal of Bacteriology:
he saw the stars whirling on their silent axes.
On mountain tops <b>try “mountaintops”</b> to chase the tusky boar.
Each line an exemplary usage as quoted by the Oxford English Dictionary (special emphasis on 'wh' words), some abbreviated.
So this is a found poem? I'm wondering what you based your finding on. ("Wh" words? Wha?)
On that basis it hangs together pretty well, although I think it's a bit of a jump to line 7 - you go from "they" to "she", which is a bit bumpy.
I didn't recognise any of the lines, which speaks badly for my poetical reading, although that looks like Adonis at the end.
Finally - which, I think, comes back to my question about the basis of your finding - is it supposed to cohere into something, or is it just a happy little collection of lines? A mini-anthology.
By the way, I thought I'd go looking for these little beasts in their natural habitats, but drew a blank on the first one. Woss goin on here?
Vernal salutations
David
So this is a found poem? I'm wondering what you based your finding on. ("Wh" words? Wha?)
On that basis it hangs together pretty well, although I think it's a bit of a jump to line 7 - you go from "they" to "she", which is a bit bumpy.
I didn't recognise any of the lines, which speaks badly for my poetical reading, although that looks like Adonis at the end.
Finally - which, I think, comes back to my question about the basis of your finding - is it supposed to cohere into something, or is it just a happy little collection of lines? A mini-anthology.
By the way, I thought I'd go looking for these little beasts in their natural habitats, but drew a blank on the first one. Woss goin on here?
Vernal salutations
David
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oranggunung
- Preponderant Poster
- Posts: 1393
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:15 pm
- Location: Dublin, Ireland
Is this like chimpanzees and typewriters?
Is it trying to entertain, inform, defuddle or bamboozle?
I'm stuck at the right hand end, I'm afraid.
I'm sure this was fun to construct, but it's hard work to read.
Is it poetry or collage?
Is it trying to entertain, inform, defuddle or bamboozle?
I'm stuck at the right hand end, I'm afraid.
I'm sure this was fun to construct, but it's hard work to read.
Is it poetry or collage?
-
juliadebeauvoir
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2083
- Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2006 2:42 am
- Location: East of Eden
kj,Autumn has already stripped the trees of their green foliage
(a first tiny, faltering step on the road to our Green utopia;
a strange vacancy and chillness of the heart;
the vernal years of a prehistorian).
I loved your opening lines--and even though I didn't know every in and out of what was in your heart while writing this--I didn't have to. I thought it flowed very well, loved the assonance of 'wh': wheedles, waggling, whilom...
The very last line I struggled with because of the use of astronomy linking with the tusky boar.
Overall excellent.
Cheers,
Kimberly
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
This gets so good ... but the start-up is cold.
Autumn has already stripped the trees of their green foliage
(a first tiny, faltering step on the road to our Green utopia;
a strange vacancy and chillness of the heart;
the vernal years of a prehistorian).
The young girls waggling their hips crazily -
so were the Sirens ogres - pretty blue-eyed things - singing their melodious wheedles.
Reaching behind to zip up the skirt she was going to wear to chuch.
Autumn has already stripped the trees of their green foliage.
Young girls sashaying their hips.
Sirens. Ogres. Pretty blue-eyed things - soft wheedling melodies.
Reaching behind to zip up skirts to wear to church.
But, after this hesitant start, off you go ... !
The refrigerator whinnied into silence:
summer is wheeling slowly towards its end.
Muffled sounds of a radio, the whine of an electric shaver,
the little brook that whimpered by his school-house.
There speaks the whilom managing editor of the Journal of Bacteriology:
he saw the stars whirling on their silent axes.
On mountain tops to chase the tusky boar.
Oops, now I realize I am going head to head with the majestic might of the Oxford English Dictionary (brilliant idea for a poem, when all is said and done) and I don't much care. These people specialize in explaining things to people, and that strikes me as rather brave and time-consuming and possibly hopeless.
Autumn has already stripped the trees of their green foliage
(a first tiny, faltering step on the road to our Green utopia;
a strange vacancy and chillness of the heart;
the vernal years of a prehistorian).
The young girls waggling their hips crazily -
so were the Sirens ogres - pretty blue-eyed things - singing their melodious wheedles.
Reaching behind to zip up the skirt she was going to wear to chuch.
Autumn has already stripped the trees of their green foliage.
Young girls sashaying their hips.
Sirens. Ogres. Pretty blue-eyed things - soft wheedling melodies.
Reaching behind to zip up skirts to wear to church.
But, after this hesitant start, off you go ... !
The refrigerator whinnied into silence:
summer is wheeling slowly towards its end.
Muffled sounds of a radio, the whine of an electric shaver,
the little brook that whimpered by his school-house.
There speaks the whilom managing editor of the Journal of Bacteriology:
he saw the stars whirling on their silent axes.
On mountain tops to chase the tusky boar.
Oops, now I realize I am going head to head with the majestic might of the Oxford English Dictionary (brilliant idea for a poem, when all is said and done) and I don't much care. These people specialize in explaining things to people, and that strikes me as rather brave and time-consuming and possibly hopeless.
This is great kj
For the reason that the Heaney line has stuck in my head:
' the refigerator whinnied into silence '
Very few people know what that means, in 50 years no-one will know, unless its been recorded. A manic sound.
You did a good job here.
For the reason that the Heaney line has stuck in my head:
' the refigerator whinnied into silence '
Very few people know what that means, in 50 years no-one will know, unless its been recorded. A manic sound.
You did a good job here.
Woah - forgot about this, posted while pissed. Thank you all for the comments.
David - 'wh' words are words beginning with 'wh'. I 'wrote' this a few years ago, and it looks like the first reference, presumably for "foliage" or "autumn" has been edited out in the edition I have now. I don't think not recognising the lines reflects badly on your reading: one of the joys for me of the OED's exemplary usages is their obscurity. I don't think there's any coherence here, although 'found' poetry works when it coheres in spite of itself, if you see what I mean. I didn't spend long on this and I'm sure a much better version could be constructed from a thorough review of the OED.
og: It's cut-up poetry, I think. See the Adrian Henri poem I'm about to post in Discussion. As for your four verbs, all except inform!
Julia: what can I say? It's all in the OED.
Dedalus: The beauty of the OED is its hopelessness, and the way it meets that with absolute perfection, still, even today. 100 years ago, when the elite strove for perfection and the rest rotted, you can imagine the OED, but not today, when everything is OK, and everything will just do, and everyone rots.
Minstrel: that is a great observation about the sound of a refrigrator shutting down. In 50 years? Even in 20, I bet. It is to us what the smell of horse shit was to our grandparents.
David - 'wh' words are words beginning with 'wh'. I 'wrote' this a few years ago, and it looks like the first reference, presumably for "foliage" or "autumn" has been edited out in the edition I have now. I don't think not recognising the lines reflects badly on your reading: one of the joys for me of the OED's exemplary usages is their obscurity. I don't think there's any coherence here, although 'found' poetry works when it coheres in spite of itself, if you see what I mean. I didn't spend long on this and I'm sure a much better version could be constructed from a thorough review of the OED.
og: It's cut-up poetry, I think. See the Adrian Henri poem I'm about to post in Discussion. As for your four verbs, all except inform!
Julia: what can I say? It's all in the OED.
Dedalus: The beauty of the OED is its hopelessness, and the way it meets that with absolute perfection, still, even today. 100 years ago, when the elite strove for perfection and the rest rotted, you can imagine the OED, but not today, when everything is OK, and everything will just do, and everyone rots.
Minstrel: that is a great observation about the sound of a refrigrator shutting down. In 50 years? Even in 20, I bet. It is to us what the smell of horse shit was to our grandparents.