Deadlands

[barrie]

Hmm..think I’ll sit in here a bit,
see what’s going on….
Hmm…nothing seems to be happening yet…
old bones, old shrouds....
I’ll just count these…can’t be bloody bothered -
there’ll only be the same amount whether I count them or not.
Or will there? Who’ll know?
Who gives a monkey's……Nothing happening yet.
Getting boring now..maybe I will count them -
then I’d know..but I’d have to count them again
just to be sure - Even then I may be wrong.
I’ll leave it.
Dead in here though - I’ll hum a bit, pass some time....
Skulls and dust, webs and must.
Nobody's looking in, nobody's doing anything.
Lonely as the grave.
Sod it - I’ll go for a walk.

Hello - are you staying or going?
It’s worth staying - just for the acoustics!

[camus]

I think it's a seasonal thing.

Also, a forum is in essence a stepping stone, to where I'm not sure? I'm certainly not ready to step anywhere, but I do feel a forum has a sell-by date, many fine poets have popped in and souled out of here, perhaps some progress quicker than others? Use forum poetry as a step to figuring out where they want to go, or not as the case may be?

The very nature of a forum requires momentum, if it's slow, passers by may keep on passing, pisser really.

[oranggunung]

Am I missing a cryptic reference? Or a cynical one?

This reminds me of Waiting for Godot; nothing happening externally, but lots going on inside. The images of the unnamed building are evocative, and remind me of ´must see´ churches in the middle of nowhere. The journey of intrigue isn´t really resolved, but I didn´t feel cheated, just fascinated by the possibilities.


Nits – large and small

Monkeys, like nobody´s should probably have an apostrophe

Not at all sure how to read differences between dashes and dots – is there a secret Morse code message in the text …

The differing number of dots was quite an interesting device, perhaps hmm should follow that route, to make it more interesting.

Bloody – no problem with the use of the word, just disappointed by its repetition when there are so many alternatives

Lonely as the grave – not really a hint, as the other references have led us in that direction, and a little heavy-handed as a pun in the context of the poem, imho. Although, now I think about it, perhaps, “maybe they died of boredom” would amuse me after all. Oh how fickle the critics can be.

Don´t think the exclamation mark is necessary at the end. I often experiment with them, and inevitably remove them, or am advised to do so.


An enjoyable read

og

[twoleftfeet]

Excellent last line, Barrie - the "Sound of Silence" on the Internet?

I remember seeing a program about ancient burial sites and acoustics
http://www.stonepages.com/forum/lofiver ... ?t710.html

We are the Quarrymen
We are the Dolmen
Goo goo ba joob

[barrie]

Kris - I've never really given much thought to the dynamics of a poetry forum - I guess we all have different reasons for being here - and different aspirations (if any). I can't say that I've had any real aspirations regarding poetry - I like to know what people think, but that's about it. (I've tried a few other sites but ended up being warned by the moderators - for not suffering fools lightly I suppose.) I suppose you're right, but I get a little frustrated by a seeming lack of interest that builds up now and again - I don't think it's seasonal - more like tidal.

I just feel that the forum's being wasted when it isn't being used - maybe I should show more patience. Then again, if we all showed infinite patience, we could die waiting.

The very nature of a forum requires momentum, if it's slow, passers by may keep on passing, pisser really.

- That's what's so frustrating.

Thanks og - Glad you got something out of it. It wasn't intended as 'serious' poem - I was loitering in the site most of yesterday and it was dead, so I wrote this - Took about fifteen minutes, just to get it out of my system.

'Lonely as the grave' is pun of a sort - I was going to put 'Lonely is the Graves', but I changed my mind. I'll sort that monkey out too.
The bloody was supposed to be repetitive, but I think you're right, it doesn't sound too good.

The exclamation mark at the end was (intended as) a mark of sarcasm - the emptiness of the place.

Geoff - How did you guess.

A few years ago, I was walking The Ridgeway - Near the White Horse Hill there are the remains of a long barrow called Weyland's Smithy. When I was inside, I noticed how echoey it was, thinking I was quite alone I began to sing. When I walked out there was an old couple outside - "Nice acoustics", I said - Just to cover my embarassment.

I had that in mind when the last two lines came out.

Thanks all - Barrie

[Wabznasm]

I can't but echo the thoughts here Barrie.

It has been deadly quiet here recently hasn't it? A nice observation in poem form.

I've been popping on now and then, only to see a load of lovely grey blobs.

I've tried a few other sites but ended up being warned by the moderators - for not suffering fools lightly I suppose - just out of interest, where was this? What warnings did they give? Sounds a bit heavy handed.

Lonely as the grave. - nice pun.

It always surprises me to see how many unregistered guests there are. Perhaps this seems an intimidating place?

Dave

[emuse]

I think games in a forum are a good thing. Keeps the action lively. I participate on occasion to challenges offered by the administrator of a forum. These spark the imagination. In fact, the poem I just posted here The Sea Inside came from that challenge.

I'm glad you brought this subject up through a poem Barrie. Stirred up some good dust it did. I'd be happy to offer any help in that arena for the mods. That is, ideas/suggestions.

e

[barrie]

Thanks Wab - I can remember a couple of the sites - The Critical Poet & Everypoet - I think. There were another couple but I can't remember what they were called. On the former, I replied to someone's very pompous 'grammar lesson' that they'd posted in reply to someone else's crit (not the poem!). Anyway, I ended up telling him that as well as being wrong, he was also a pompous prat, or words to that effect. On the other site I was just over-sarcastic in a reply to a rather stupid crit - in fact, I had a PM from the mod who'd censured me in public, agreeing with me in private. If someone's over the top with a crit then I'm not going to sit back in silence - I don't mind being slated by someone whose opinion I respect, but not by the types who think they are better than anyone else - We don't seem to get people like that here, not the ones who stay anyway.

Thanks e - It was just loud grumble really - cheers

Thanks both - Barrie

[camus]

Everypoet

What a freaking nightmare that place is.

Mods haunt your every word, and if like Barrie, you might disagree with a pompous post, you're out of there, I was banned twice!

Again, that's why this place is a main stay, tolerance, lol.

[kozmikdave]

Gidday

Deadness snowballs. When it gets really slow on the site, I tend to too. I get busy doing other stuff and it gets harder to get back into it. Depends what project I'm currently working on as to how much time I can give to it, especially if there is nothing coming back in my direction. It seems to get better when you're on board and fully functioning, Barrie. Or it certainly slowed last time you had an absence. [This is a compliment.]

Cheers for the observations
Dave

[Kilravock]

This poem is a hard pill. The first part of it is like living in a junk store of old and outdated clichés; it is a nightmare. The thing that is missing is life. This poem needs to meet existence and truly learn from her, and then it may have some energy that keeps you awake while reading it. The ending however is wonderfully cynical and just sort of jumps out at you like a snake in a basket. I would read the poem simply to get to the end.

[barrie]

You're right about tolerance, Kris - Why should anyone be obliged to sit back an suffer pompous idiots for fear of being banned. Sometimes I think PG is too tolerant - I remember expecting to be banned after my first few months here because of my own intolerance - luckily, I wasn't the only one to share the same view.

viewtopic.php?t=2104&highlight=japanese

Cheers Koz - I thought I was going to be marooned again - My ISP has been down since yesternoon, it's just come back on now - That's Rupert bloody Murdoch for you, that is!
I know what you mean about the snowballing - It seems that everyone thinks that if no-one else can be bothered then what's the point. I know I get pissed off sometimes - but I can't resist the challenge to try and get it going again. Probably something to do with being a stubborn old git!
Thanks for the compliment.

Cheers Kil - You read the poem exactly how it was meant to be read - It was description of PG when everyone's having a day or two off.
Cynical's my middle name (or is it Arachno?).

Thanks all

Barrie

[Bombadil]

You seem to have become the forum's pacesetter, Neville. This should bode well for us. As I recall last time you mentioned the deadness (deadity, corpsulence?) it picked up shortly thereafter.

Begin the high tide. Maybe we can drown the Everypoet motherfuckers with it.

Sorry, hate that place. Only peeped in once, but it was enough.

Peace.

K.

[Lubesh]

Some refresing and not stuffy narration in there and i was intent on finding out what was up. The repetitive counting or not and point was great from then I thought there was a compulsive thing going ..enjoyed the acoustics and have been there (red faced too)enjoyed that!



Tell me as a 'newb' here to but out, but apart from i am enjoying this place and comparitive serenity just now. I have also picked upon observations of quiet due to summer etc.

Anyway, I have had before the need to use a small promo maybe to entice or recapture strayed mebers or new ones even and found this didn't hurt.

Just a thought...don't all shout

[barrie]

Yes, there was another dead period a few weeks ago - no doubt there'll be more. The gaps in between are OK though.

Just noticed Kilravock's picture - He's not the ugliest bloke in the world but he looks like him.

[azathoth]

the gaps in between the empty parts? haha thats a pleasantly bleak perspective!

[Oskar]

Here's a variation on the theme.
Can you guess where I half-inched this from?

(Yawn,deep sigh)
Stone me, what a life.
What's the time?
TWO O'CLOCK
is that all?
I dunno (yawn)
I'm fed up
you sure it's only
two o'clock?
don't the time drag?
I do hate Sundays
I'll be glad when it's over
just sitting here
looking at you lot.
Every Sunday it's
the same.
Nowhere to go
nothing to do
just waiting for
the next lot of grub
to come up.
There must be something
we can do
anyone got any
bright ideas?..
it was a waste of time
asking really wasn't it
I'm fed up...
I think I'll go
to bed
I might just as well
be in bed
there's nothing else to do
I wish I hadn't
got up now...
It makes you sick
I hate Sundays
it's not like this
on the continent
it's their big day
over there
all the cafes open
and football matches
and race meetings
everybody's gay ha ha ha ha
...
not over here though.

[barrie]

Stone me, what a life.

That has to be Tony Hancock.

Sid James

[beautifulloser]

Hey All, getting in a bit late on this one. As some have said, we all come here for our own reasons, from my point of view I'd say the quality here outweighs the quantity a great deal and that is a good thing, I hardly read a poem, especially in the experienced section on this forum and do not learn something or see elements, techniques that I as a novice can use.

Barrie, I hear your moans Sir, there are very few people like yourself and others on here (Wab, Geoff, Kris, Dave) all of whom give an honest crit (I shall remove head from arse now) but the point is valid, and people like yourselves are not welcome on forums that like to kjeep their user base happy and keep it all nicey nicey - fuck em. But anyway, I come here for a dose of reality and although hard to take sometimes in little over a month my writing has improved (sure there's still plenty of shit but I liek the shift in my thinking when writing), I would contribute more but I know the extent of my ignorance and only try to crit where I think I can add something of any value.

So, guess what I am saying is that quality over quantity is a good thing and PG has that in abundance and a huge reicprocal pat on the back is due. With that said, you'd know better than I what the quality is like when the site is busier and if it's more of the same, then that would be a very nice thing to achieve where we have lots of quantity and quality.

Cheers

BL
x

[barrie]

Thanks BL -

It always a relief when a harsh crit is taken how its meant - as an attempt to be helpful. I don't think there's anyone here who is harsh just for the sake of being so. There's usually a reasonable concensus of opinion here and sometimes it's hard to decide which advice to take (or none of it). It's always good to watch how someone develops from being a poor writer into a good one, especially when you know you've contributed a little towards the change.
We've had our share of poet laureates on here who storm in with awful Victorian rhymes or just plain crap, then expect a standing ovation - When they get told the truth, they spit out their dummies and stamp their feet. They never last. It was good to see Lubesh react as he did, and you've never complained.

You're right about quality being better than quantity, but I don't like it when it's too quiet - I always feel like I'm shouting, writing too many posts.

Let's hope it bucks up - it seems to be doing.

Barrie

[twelveoone]

a comment on a comment, I agree with this statement "The first part of it is like living in a junk store of old and outdated clichés; it is a nightmare. The thing that is missing is life." , but by the nature of it's title, it should be "missing in life", and judging by the comments as to what it all about, well-hell a few outdated clichés are called for. What bothers me most is the term "bloody", that
is unforgiveable in something supposed to be so bloodless. On the other side "Sod it" is genius, an excellent play.
Since the term "acoustics" is in such a premier place, I would have liked to had a little more echoing, another "hello", "dead", perhaps.

[barrie]

Thanks 12/1 - It was just a passing comment on how dead the forum was at the time. The acoustics mentioned were supposed to be due to the emptiness of the place - It's not as echoey (how the hell do you spell echoey?) now.

cheers

Barrie