Poor Robin

[David]

It is a beautiful evening
in Burbank, California.
You are wearing tights,

yellow ones -
seagull legs;
a spiffy little cape.

Your gloves look like
your father's driving gloves.
You are the boy wonder,

masked apprentice
to a master crime buster.
Holy novitiate, Batman.

The California starlight
creeps over the chilly hillside.
Someone checks your make-up,

everything is happening
around you, but you go
when they say go,

into the secret hide-out
to thwart a startled villain,
his stooges and his buxom associate:

cornered and remorseful,
she stands sideways with aplomb,
coveting your virtuous underpants.

After the stylised fisticuffs,
the illustrated mayhem,
the blammos and kapows,

will you unmask
in a modest caravan
and wonder what's ahead?

There will be more roles.
They will grow smaller,
and no one will see them.

This is it, all of it, now.
You'll never grow old.
You are the boy wonder.

[emuse]

Oh I like this David. Will be back for full feedback but just wanted to say on the first read terrific. Loved the close.

e

[dogofdiogenes]

David,

as with emuse, really enjoyed this....I think the original actor ended up running a porn store...will write more later.

wonder dog

[RobertFlorey]

It is a beautiful evening
in Burbank, California.
You are wearing tights,

yellow ones -
seagull legs;
a spiffy little cape.

Your gloves look like
your father's driving gloves.
You are the boy wonder,

masked apprentice
to a master crime buster.
Holy novitiate, Batman.

The California starlight
creeps over the chilly hillside.
Someone checks your make-up,

everything is happening
around you, but you go
when they say go,

into the secret hide-out
to thwart a startled villain,
his stooges and his buxom associate:

cornered and remorseful,
she stands sideways with aplomb,
coveting your virtuous underpants.

After the stylised fisticuffs,
the illustrated mayhem,
the blammos and kapows,

will you unmask
in a modest caravan
and wonder what's ahead?

There will be more roles.
They will grow smaller,
and no one will see them.

This is it, all of it, now.
You'll never grow old.
You are the boy wonder.

Howdy, I haven't been on here for quite some time, but at least
the board remembered me!

You're a moderator, so I suppose I should be extra cirumspect.

This is a short history of an actor who once played the role of
Robin in the television series.

You have details enough so that a person who is familiar with the
studio, who knows what Burbank means, and who is familiar with
the series will recognize it for what it was.

The writing is very pleasingly done.

However, as a slice of life, it isn't really predictive, because it's
about a person whose life we either know and recognize, or
don't know and will not know from the poem itself.

The poem is, in fact, retrospective rather than prospective, and
it doesn't seem to me to say anything about human nature or the
human condition.

Here's why: we don't learn anything about Burt Ward. If we want
to know, we'll have to look up the batman series, find Burt Ward,
and then find a bio of him.

The poem, detailed as it is, does not include detail about the
man himself. Yes, he was ready to go when they told him to go,
but how well did he go?

Was his defeat caused by being typecast?

Boris Karloff was typecast, but he worked until he became so sick
he was hospitalized and died.

For that matter, Cary Grant was typecast, but he didn't suffer from it
in his career.

Was it because he was a lousy actor who managed to get the role
for reasons unknown and once he was established had to be
retained?

If we're already in the know, then we realize that it was a combination
of both, and the same thing pertains for Batman himself.

If we aren't in the know, this poem won't inform us.

So, well written, nicely detailed enough to locate it in space and time,
and it's clear that we're reading about someone who is on stage; but
we learn very little at all about the person wearing the costume.

I'm wondering just what it is that is being lit in a new way, or
examines some small detail of life which, blown up large, contributes
to our understanding of human nature, or indeed of anything else?

Now, this may be an unfair prejudice of mine -- that poems which
are not frankly humorous should tell the reader something that the
reader didn't know, or which informs what the reader does know
in order that the reader gains some sort of new insight.

And even humorous poems usually depend on indirection and surprise
in order to deliver a punch-line that satisfies.

I do think this is a humorous poem, and the problem is that if I
hadn't forced myself to sit through a couple of episodes, I would
not possibly have understood it.

Of course, one is free to pick one's audience, and you did.

Since you got two approvals so far, and mine has only the caveat that
although it's well written, it will have appeal to people who just
want to be reaffirmed in their own opinion of Burt Ward, and likely
none other, although further commentaries may prove me wrong.

So, in sum and substance, well done.

I myself wrote a pastiche of 'Dracula' in poetic form, which maybe
I'll risk publishing here, and the audience for that is surely those who
have read the novel, or seen the British version on film, starring
Louis Jourdan as the title character, which follows the novel closely
enough to make sense of my piece.

So, let's go with well done.

[Amadeus]

I kind of see roberts point, but in opposition to that, perhaps it isn't in as dire need of such character exploration as that. Maybe some biograhical information, but seing as conceptually the poem is a moment frozen in time, much like a photograph in that respect, there isn't as much development needed as if the point was of being biographical.

You'll never grow old.
You are the boy wonder.

Absoutely love this ine. Very Dorian Gray-esque, and really seals the poem with that momen in time perspective.

Gareth

[marten]

I enjoyed this. Not knowing anything about the actor who played Robin, I'm afraid I will just have to comment on your ability to capture the feeling of the character, from how I remember from the old shows.

masked apprentice
to a master crime buster.
Holy novitiate, Batman.

The California starlight
creeps over the chilly hillside.
Someone checks your make-up,

It's a bit of an abrupt transition between these two stanzas - maybe could be smoothed out.

It is a beautiful evening
in Burbank, California.
You are wearing tights,

yellow ones -
seagull legs;
a spiffy little cape.

Great images drawn here. A sense of vibrato akin to a small kid - looking out from his treehouse and planning what parts of the neighborhood will be his to conquer.


blistering barnacles Batman!

[twoleftfeet]

David,

A funny/sad poem about one man in particular but also the problem of being typecast (tights-cast?), in general.

I've found a bio of Burt Ward - it looks as if he made the most of his lot:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0911431/bio

Until I reached these lines, I couldn't be sure that you were in fact talkng about Batman's sidekick:
masked apprentice
to a master crime buster.
Holy novitiate, Batman.
- is it possible to omit them for the sake of suspense?

Also, there is a dark side (Gothic/Gotham) to Batman (at least in the comics) which might usefully be employed
to underline Robin's career prospects.
Having said that - the TV shows emphasised colourful action for the kids and straight-faced panto-surrealism
for the adults. The BATMAN film is hilarious, not least the scene where Batman is dangling from a
helicopter ladder into the sea with a rubber shark gnawing at his leg

Nice one
Geoff

Nice one
Geoff

[Jack Cloverfield]

This was a fun read. Poor Burt perhaps? I don't think it was all bad for him. He did rather well off screen after the series and is doing good things now.
As to the piece, I didn't much like the repeat of 'glove/gloves' in stanza 3. And I agree with Geoff about ommiting 'Batman'. To me, the yellow tights gave that away

A good read David.

Jack

[Wabznasm]

I've been a piss poor critter recently David, so I apologise for the brevity, but I think this is a bit of a scorcher. I personally wouldn't say you have to be as pragmatic as Rob's (very good) critique, and so I think you've narrowed down what you wanted to say very well in this.

Two little things to contest each other because of their proximity:

On the one hand, this stanza

everything is happening
around you, but you go
when they say go,

does about as much as say nothing for me I'm afraid. I can't see it as being particularly useful and besides, don't you show everything is happening around him? If so, why reiterate?

On the other hand, these two stanzas

There will be more roles.
They will grow smaller,
and no one will see them.

This is it, all of it, now.
You'll never grow old.
You are the boy wonder.

bar the opening lines to that elegy you gave us a while back, are probably the best poetry I've see you write here.

Have you thought about sending this off anywhere? More to the point, do you send things off?

Dave

[barrie]

There can be no mistake as to the author of this - it's definitely you -I suppose I could be talking to any one here. Alright, definitely a David poem.
I knew who you were talking about after V2 - once seen never forgotten. I hated Batman on tv. I used to read the comics when I was a kid, they were great - then came the big let down. When I started going to the kid's matinee's at the cinema on Saturday morning (or The Tanner Rush, as it was known), they used to show a ten minute Batman serial at the end - it was the biggest load of rubbish ever - all the kids would boo. The cinema ended up taking it off. TV Batman was exactly the same, only in colour.
Needless to say, after I'd read this my thought were - 'So what?'
Anyway, I read it a few more times - trying to get inside your head, I suppose; trying to work out why you wrote it (I still don't know). Anyway, I warmed to it, even got to like it's quirky quaintness in a quaint and quirky sort of way.
The verse Geoff wants removing.....

masked apprentice
to a master crime buster.
Holy novitiate, Batman.

.....is my favourite.

What interests me more than the fortunes of Burt Ward, is what made you write about him? Do you intend to pen an Adam West (?) ditty as well?

Holy Ellan Vannin, David!

[David]

Ah cheers all. I thought this one was going okay, and I'm glad it got a vaguely general thumbs-up.

I was just watching Batman with the lad on Thursday evening, and I got to thinking about what life must have been like for them afterwards. I think Adam West has resurfaced here and there - wasn't there a little bitterness about the casting of the first Tim Burton film? - but I thought Burt Ward had disappeared without trace. (Of course I googled him, and I'm happy to say that he seems to have come through okay in the end.)

Just to straighten Robert out on a couple of points - don't worry, this is not wounded pride talking, by the time I'd finished reading your comment I'd forgotten what I was trying to do, never mind whether I'd achieved it or not, but I did want to write about the state and the status of people who have gone through a Burt Ward-like experience, not necessarily specifically about Burt Ward:

1. Absolutely no special deference required for moderators and their offerings; and

2. Yes, please do post that Dracula thing. I'd love to read it.

Dave, kind words sir, thanks - I might send it off some time. I have been sending some stuff off lately, with mixed but not completely disheartening results. If you want details, or even want to discuss your own sending-off strategy, you can pm me if you like.

Typical Barrie - here's me thinking it's a bit of a stretch to get people to remember the TV series, and you remember what came before the TV series. Not a Batman fan then!

Cheers again folks

David

[emuse]

Hi David,

I swear I posted an additional reply but when I came back to the forum it had been zapped! BONK! ZWER!!!! K$*)(#FLJBEENO!!!

So, in essence, I felt that the poem had universal appeal because this is not only a poem about being typecast but it has an underlying metaphor which resonates in the dream world. We all have hopes for great things in various areas of our lives--some of us achieve that one great moment and reflect on it as one of the best times/relationships/accomplishments and fail to move on. Even if the poem is written with a humoress bent, it allows the reader to reflect.

I might end on the penultimate line.

Cheers!

e

[David]

E, I might end on the penultimate line - that's quite an exciting idea. Allow me to ruminate on that for a while.

Cheers to you

David

[Wabznasm]

A quick thought:

Don't ditch the last line. Otherwise it ends on a rather murky, slightly humourless abstraction. 'boy wonder' gave it emotion. 'You'll never grow old' is a bit poetry by itself.

Still, just the other side of the coin!

Dave

[David]

Aye. Still ruminating, but I like the heft (ED RIP) of "You are the boy wonder" coming just there.

[Amadeus]

A quick thought:

Don't ditch the last line. Otherwise it ends on a rather murky, slightly humourless abstraction. 'boy wonder' gave it emotion. 'You'll never grow old' is a bit poetry by itself.

Still, just the other side of the coin!

Dave

I was going to post the same thing. Really like the boy wonder line. It really emhasises the point that the actor will forever be in that moment, and this is his glory, for which he will always be remembered. Really effective line.

Gareth

[Elphin]

Coming late to this David and its been given a good going over so nowt much to add. A good fun read.

A small observation and really its no more than that is whether middle section could be condensed i.e. after S4.

Keep the boy wonder ending - its a strong finish and carries the whole theme of the poem.

Elphin

P.S Still can't get your Guess What - I had Hard Rain and Blowing in the Wind but they don't fit. Am I warm?

[dogofdiogenes]

David,

This made me think of Poor Cock Robin, too-especially the spiffy little cape bit, which I loved. I had no problem following this and it seemed very obvious to me-but I did waste a lot of time watching this series when small, and as I had only just learnt what a willy was, also spent a lot of time looking at those underpants. I find it pathetic, in the proper sense of the word and made me think of lots of bit part actors who slid off the board somewhere-not Burt Ward in particular. I was something and now I'm not.

Great read, thank you

dog with no bark
dog in the dark,
the heating is buggered
oh what a lark

[David]

Thanks folks. Good suggestions, which I shall mull over. It's a mulling time of year.

Elph, re Guess What, you're not just warm, you're roasting. Right guy, wrong songs - so far. Shall I bump it, do you think, or just let it die a peaceful death now? (And tell you the answer first, of course.)