Like beasts of burden pace we forth each day
Each to his own task and mindless hours
And barely pause to note that beautious ray
Which falls from Heaven's Orb betwixt the showers
Thus blind, o'er years, we tread beneath our soles
A treasure to outshine our base desires
Thence, return each night bereft and cold
And there bemoan our insufficient fires.
Ah, that we might, in passing raise our eyes
To meet that soaring Orb which glints above
For then should we all earthly things despise
Transported hence in all-encompassed Love.
Thus, dear Poet, gaze upward from thy task
And find thy true Muse; Glory, all unmask'd.
Sonnet
Yet half a beast is the great god Pan,
To laugh as he sits by the river,
Making a poet out of a man:
The true gods sigh for the cost and the pain,-
For the reed which grows nevermore again,
As a reed wih the reeds in the river.
(E B Browning)
To laugh as he sits by the river,
Making a poet out of a man:
The true gods sigh for the cost and the pain,-
For the reed which grows nevermore again,
As a reed wih the reeds in the river.
(E B Browning)
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cameron
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Hi Frank,
Welcome to the forum.
I'm afraid that this poem has a very (very) old fashioned feel to it. In fact, it could have been written in 1803. Words like 'beauteous', 'betwixt' and 'orb' are not used in modern parlance. Also you reverse the normal word order in the first line for the sake of the rhyme and employ elision in the last - both of which are shunned in modern poetry.
I Like the sonnet form - but feel you need to drag the contents (screaming if necessary) into the 21st century.
Check out Tony Harrison's brilliant family sonnets (The School of Eloquence).
Thanks for posting.
Cam
Welcome to the forum.
I'm afraid that this poem has a very (very) old fashioned feel to it. In fact, it could have been written in 1803. Words like 'beauteous', 'betwixt' and 'orb' are not used in modern parlance. Also you reverse the normal word order in the first line for the sake of the rhyme and employ elision in the last - both of which are shunned in modern poetry.
I Like the sonnet form - but feel you need to drag the contents (screaming if necessary) into the 21st century.
Check out Tony Harrison's brilliant family sonnets (The School of Eloquence).
Thanks for posting.
Cam
Guilty as charged yer Honour. 
Yet half a beast is the great god Pan,
To laugh as he sits by the river,
Making a poet out of a man:
The true gods sigh for the cost and the pain,-
For the reed which grows nevermore again,
As a reed wih the reeds in the river.
(E B Browning)
To laugh as he sits by the river,
Making a poet out of a man:
The true gods sigh for the cost and the pain,-
For the reed which grows nevermore again,
As a reed wih the reeds in the river.
(E B Browning)
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mybelovedANAmosity
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2004 4:58 am
I think this poem is nicely written and paints it's point well. It does have an old-fashioned feel to it, but hey, if thats your style, keep it up! 
Kaitlin
Kaitlin
Ha ha. No, it's not my style. I normally write in a modern style, or write humorous poetry. I deliberately set out to write a traditional sonnet in something close to the style Shakespeare used and keeping to the same metre. To be honest I was a bit surprised to succeed to the extent that I did. I'll probably write another in about ten years.
My usual stuff can be seen on my website via my profile, but I'll post some here, too.
My usual stuff can be seen on my website via my profile, but I'll post some here, too.
Yet half a beast is the great god Pan,
To laugh as he sits by the river,
Making a poet out of a man:
The true gods sigh for the cost and the pain,-
For the reed which grows nevermore again,
As a reed wih the reeds in the river.
(E B Browning)
To laugh as he sits by the river,
Making a poet out of a man:
The true gods sigh for the cost and the pain,-
For the reed which grows nevermore again,
As a reed wih the reeds in the river.
(E B Browning)
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Bombadil
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I very much like the language, I would not change it if it is art you choose to perpetuate, not a fan club. What I think may help...is a bit more punctuation to direct the flow. With older forms, I think, it is to a poem's benefit to be more directional, for lack of a better term. Food for thought...But again, I like your sonnet very well, I should like to see more.
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desiderata
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i rather like it too; it's good to be reminded to look up every now and again