The Missing Page

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
Post Reply
Oskar
Preternatural Poster
Preternatural Poster
Posts: 1692
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:40 pm

Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:48 pm

We met beyond the high tide
Silver bristled London lad
Never in my wildest pint
did I dream the limelight voices
that pressed against us now
Drinks in hand sharing time

You, one of the champions
of that brilliant crowd
from radio days and monochrome austerity
Writing for the demob happy
thrown a catchphrase
to chew on in tomorrow's canteen

Talking easily
about Frankie and Tony
and where it all went wrong
I tell you that my grandad
was Marty Feldman's milkman -
an equal exchange

Then in walks Hancock
All black hat and Astrakan collar
He joins us holding shriven text
I've just left Alan
It's going to be alright Ray
I've found the missing page
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
User avatar
barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 6069
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:55 pm

I think this is really good - It brings back the radio days of the fifties/early sixties -

Writing for the demob happy
thrown a catchphrase
to chew on in tomorrow's canteen
- 'Worker's Playtime' springs to mind.

Frankie and Tony - What about Tony's oppo, Syd.

All I remember about The Missing Page is that Hancock borrows a thriller from the library, only to find the final page is missing. I don't remember any particular jokes, it hasn't imprinted as deep as The Blood Donor.

Dalton & Simpson have a lot to answer for.

Although it's a very good piece of writing, I wonder how it will be received by those whose age deprived them of the golden age of comedy. It opens up the past for me.

There was some brilliant stuff back then - The Goon Show was my favourite. Then there was the biggest con of all radio times - Educating Archie, a bloody ventriloquist on radio - You had to be good to do that!

I enjoyed it, not just for the content - it's a fine piece of writing.

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
David
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 13973
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Wed Feb 13, 2008 8:52 pm

I come in a little bit after Barrie. My golden days of radio - apart from Sam Costa and Alberto VO5 on fabulous 208 - were Round the Horne and The Navy Lark and I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again.

Strangely enough, I picked up a group autobiography by the Pythons today, they were all born 42-43, that kind of time, and they all (apart from Gilliam, of course) talk about the liberating impression The Goon Show made on them.

Very well written, Oskar old chap, and quite a haunting ending.

Cheers

David
John G
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 826
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:36 pm
antispam: no
Location: London born and bred now resident of West Yorkshire
Contact:

Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:31 am

I really enjoyed that, painted a world to me of black and white and possibilities.

I'm of the age where I know these things through my parents and re-runs, however as I'm a great fan of the comedy of that era it was a pleasure to read and it transported back to bygone era.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.
redpond
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2008 5:04 am

Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:30 pm

Salutations Oskar,

You know I read this poem about six times during the time it was posted but I didn’t know how to respond because well the allusions are sort of different than my experience. But its melody is mature, but still fawning at the same time.

I love the 3rd stanza ... esp. “..I tell you that my grandad/ was Marty Felman’s milkman-/an equal exchange.
Last edited by redpond on Wed Feb 20, 2008 5:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Elphin
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2944
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:10 pm

Fri Feb 15, 2008 11:17 am

Oskar

I am only vaguely familiar with the specifics - just a tad young for most of them - however that was enough to "get it". Excellent writing too - Never in my wildest pint is brilliance.

Only observation is to wonder if punctuation may help although probably the only place it might have guided was last line S1 and on to line 1 S2 so maybe not a big issue.

Elphin
User avatar
twoleftfeet
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 6761
Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:02 pm
Location: Standing by a short pier, looking for a long run-up

Fri Feb 15, 2008 2:35 pm

Oskar,

This is a shameless piece of name-dropping and one-upmanship - loved it!

The description of meeting heroes "in the flesh" is excellent; I think I would have been too tongue-tied to say
anything..

wrt radio days:
My favourite characters are the The Glums

I hate you
Geoff
Oskar
Preternatural Poster
Preternatural Poster
Posts: 1692
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:40 pm

Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:53 pm

Barrie
barrie wrote:Dalton & Simpson have a lot to answer for.
A blinding piece of literary detection, Barrie! Yes,I lifted my opening line We met beyond the high tide from the memoirs of Hugh Dalton (Chancellor of the Exchequer from 1945-47 in the post-war Clement Attlee government) entitled, High Tide and After.
barrie wrote:Frankie and Tony - What about Tony's oppo, Syd.
As you know, Galton and Simpson didn't just write scripts for Hancock. They had a long association with Frankie Howerd, among others. This was something that I wanted to acknowledge, especially as Ray Galton (mock ye not, Geoff!) had spoken so fondly of the man when I managed to corner him in a pub, just down the road from the Comedy Theatre in London where his Murder at Oil Drum Lane was playing (April 2006).
barrie wrote:I wonder how it will be received by those whose age deprived them of the golden age of comedy.
It's before my time aswell but that doesn't stop me knowing and loving what you rightly call the golden age of comedy.
barrie wrote:Then there was the biggest con of all radio times - Educating Archie, a bloody ventriloquist on radio - You had to be good to do that!
Don't knock it. Peter Brough, the ventriloquist, gave work to Max Bygraves, Tony Hancock, Dick Emery, Beryl Reid, Bruce Forsyth and Benny Hill. As for his ventriloquist skills, the comedian Jimmy Wheeler said, "Blimey, his mouth moves more than his dummy's does".

David

The haunting ending sprang from reading Barrie's poem Bookmarks. I thought it would be supremely ironic to have the elderly Galton and Simpson visited by the Grim Reaper - in the shape of Hancock.

John

Glad you liked it. My first link with all this stuff was when I started reading Goon Show and Hancock scripts at the age of about twelve or thirteen. I was born middle aged.

fawning Mister Red?

A perjorative choice of word.

My grandad really was Marty Feldman's milkman. He used to live along Oakdene Park in Finchley, North London. Funny bloke - never bothered to clean the bottles before putting them out on the doorstep.
Thanks for passing comment.

Elph

I see what you mean about the last line S1. It could do with a comma - Drinks in hand, sharing time
Cheers.

Geoff
twoleftfeet wrote:This is a shameless piece of name-dropping and one-upmanship
Yes, it is. Isn't it!
I went with a mate to see Murder at Oil Drum Lane when it was on in London - the place was only about two thirds full at best. We sat next to this chatty actress sort who happened to know the bloke playing the Wilfrid Brambell/Albert Steptoe role. She said that some of cast were going to meet up for drink in a pub down the road from the theatre and would we like to come along... well, it would have been churlish to refuse. So off we go - I trod on Dara O'Briain's foot on the way out of the theatre by-the-way (oh, there I go again!) - and you'll never guess who was in the pub when we arrived...
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
beautifulloser
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 934
Joined: Fri May 26, 2006 11:03 pm
Location: South Of Watford
Contact:

Sun Feb 17, 2008 12:43 pm

Oskar

BARRIE: Although it's a very good piece of writing, I wonder how it will be received by those whose age deprived them of the golden age of comedy. It opens up the past for me.
It went down well over here, but in parts.

So, here's a different take for what it's worth.


The first two stanza's are great, there's plenty of missed opportunity everywhere, you only need to look at the entrpeneeruial endeavours of Tony Wilson (God bless the man) and the Motown dudes to know that there's loads of goodness everywhere, and the missing page is a great title - there's loads of ripped off bollocks everywhere, lots of talent everywhere, but someone has to sow the cultural seams at the spine, kind of thing. Evidently that is not what you're getting at, but that's how I interpret those stanzas, and if that apparent random stuff makes any sense within the context of the "thing" that was in your mind when writing this, then that's good, surely.

For instance:

thrown a catchphrase
to chew on in tomorrow's canteen

I took to mean, that these guys are maybe creative types, but not famous people. Or maybe they are like Wilson, or the guys who ran Stiff Records - so easily could have been "missing pages" in the book of culture, or something wanky like that.

These lines, drunk talk of doing something else:

Never in my wildest pint
did I dream the limelight voices
that pressed against us now
Drinks in hand sharing time

The last two stanza's water it down for me, personally. I was trying to find what could be said within the poem about situations or whatever, at any point in time which is why I kind of fell into the above interpretation. I'm not sure if any of that is useful, but that's honestly what I thought.

That said, who do you write for, if not for yourself. This is one poem, and I generally "get" your other stuff so I wouldn't sweat over it.

Beau
x
I'm sick of it, sick of it all. I know I'm right and I don't give a shit!
Oskar
Preternatural Poster
Preternatural Poster
Posts: 1692
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:40 pm

Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:35 pm

Beau

Thanks for your time on this one. It's an idiosyncratic slant but one that I can follow and appreciate.

I liked the idea of it being some sort of lament to Factory Records, Stiff and a whole bunch of talent that came out of the pub rock scene of the '70s. It reminded me of Brinsley Schwartz, Chris Spedding,Wreckless Eric et al. I'm still a big fan of Nick Lowe and Graham Parker who also emerged at that time.
beautifulloser wrote:I'm not sure if any of that is useful, but that's honestly what I thought.
That's good enough for me, Beau.
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
dedalus
Preternatural Poster
Preternatural Poster
Posts: 1933
Joined: Sat Sep 02, 2006 3:51 am
Location: Ireland/Japan

Mon Feb 18, 2008 11:49 pm

Demob set the bells ringing on the first read and then I figured out what it were all abaht. This is a marvellously understated piece, blissfully eccentric, with some killer lines!
David
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 13973
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Fri Feb 22, 2008 6:11 pm

dedalus wrote:Demob set the bells ringing on the first read and then I figured out what it were all abaht. This is a marvellously understated piece, blissfully eccentric, with some killer lines!
Well quite. In fact, we think it's a feature.

Dear Nicola, make it so.

Cheers

David
dogofdiogenes
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
Posts: 342
Joined: Fri Sep 21, 2007 11:53 pm

Fri Feb 22, 2008 7:20 pm

I had an ex-boyfriend who wrote for Vic Reeves and another who ran a fashion company and I'm afraid I'm now so fed up with hearing the names of the 'famous' that that part of it doesn't move me. But I can sense that you are, which is what makes it so good, because I really feel that coming through. s1 is my favourite, I think because of some of the phrases and the sounds in the last stanza are juicy.
It's a shame: I was drowned in handmedown Goon Shows (born long after they ended)and loved them, but missed out a lot on some of the Hancock stuff. My abiding secondhand image of him is of someone who was really sad-The Blood Donor is the only thing of which I have any knowledge.
Many thanks

Godofdogs :lol:
I never give explanations-Mary Poppins (Management in the NHS-rewritten by Nightingale F,. original by Hunt,.G)
User avatar
Nicola
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1081
Joined: Sun May 09, 2004 5:35 pm

Sat Feb 23, 2008 8:55 am

It is Featured! Well done Oskar.

Nicola
Oskar
Preternatural Poster
Preternatural Poster
Posts: 1692
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:40 pm

Sat Feb 23, 2008 4:39 pm

I'll keep it brief and understated - thanks.
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
Post Reply