Love poem

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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SecondSun
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2004 9:46 am
Location: UK

Thu Nov 18, 2004 11:59 am

My body craves your sweet discerning touch,
The lace on your skin,
Like warmth from the summer sun,
It draws me near,
Your smell,
Your beauty,
Your being,
A definition of sweetness,
An uncompromising, shimmering vision of indefinable yearning,
I want you,
I need you,
My heart winces in half beats,
incomplete,
Stagnant, immobile, lifeless,
Fulfill my desire,
And set my dreams free
mybelovedANAmosity
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2004 4:58 am

Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:20 pm

Hey SecondSun,
I really liked this poem. It actually seems like something I would write except for I have a thing for poems that rhyme :D Anyway, the adjectives used were very....how to describe them? Just beautiful I guess. When I read this, images played through my mind like a movie. Very impressive.
SecondSun
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2004 9:46 am
Location: UK

Fri Nov 19, 2004 1:50 pm

Hi Kaitlin,
Thanks for your generous comments, I wrote this poem a while ago ,glad you like it
Ian
awen
Posts: 16
Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2004 3:29 pm
Location: Durham

Thu Nov 25, 2004 11:54 am

This poem is great. It reminds me of the scene in George Orwell's 1984 when Winston and Julia go to the clearing. Very emotive and just right.
An enjoyable read, Thanks

Awen
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