.
In Retrospect
A shallow rift,
unbroken feet,
a duller sound, and water.
Allow me this.
For I am overjoyed,
bled and crouched, fetal,
having rode the crest
of a wave
into a mouth
of weakened glass.
.
In Retrospect
-
thefallofRome
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:16 am
- Location: southern california
- Contact:
Hi Rome,
This short poem held my interest but didn't really communicate meaning to me. I like the title, but find it a little odd that the poem's title promises a look back but is followed by a poem in the present tense.
In S1, I was not sure that the comparative of "duller" made sense. Duller than?
"Allow me this" is interesting set off by itself and gives a nice pause before the final stanza.
I found the grammar of S3 a little awkward, but that would not be so bad perhaps if I had been able to get a clear image from the poem. Maybe "bleeding"?
I look forward to reading more of your poems here.
Cheers,
Elle
In Retrospect
This short poem held my interest but didn't really communicate meaning to me. I like the title, but find it a little odd that the poem's title promises a look back but is followed by a poem in the present tense.
In S1, I was not sure that the comparative of "duller" made sense. Duller than?
"Allow me this" is interesting set off by itself and gives a nice pause before the final stanza.
I found the grammar of S3 a little awkward, but that would not be so bad perhaps if I had been able to get a clear image from the poem. Maybe "bleeding"?
I look forward to reading more of your poems here.
Cheers,
Elle
In Retrospect