(Sure i"ll be honored part 2) Ups and Downs

[Xerves]

Sometimes in life struggles and trials bring us down
There’s always that urge not to work on looking to the sky
We sit in the park when no others are present
We wonder why the sky does not contain a talking father like mufusa
I know because I have went through such times my savior was not found
I did not carry the necessary means to fly
No, not in the position of a peasant
Sometimes the cost is more then affordable, we are not signed to the roster
More then we can carry upon are back but we must be patient
One of the most powerful keys is motivation
To make an difference in this powerful but steady falling nation
Sometimes we can’t do it by are self we need to be persuaded
Sometimes we can’t do it by are self we need to be aided

Upward is the way to look
Pushing or pulling is the way you should have took

A simple missed not yet stumbled upon mistake
Needful it is to go back and review we can lesson and ache
Dump are downs are waste recycle them

Downward we might be going
Onward we might be finally showing
Wide bridges one apart are suddenly connected
Nigra we must be falling
Some Viagra we must be stalling


--{Kurtis}--

[cameron]

Hi Kurtis

This poem is let down by poor spelling and punctuation. If you want people to take your stuff seriously you really need to make sure it is well presented.

You could try running it through a spell-checker before posting.

We all make mistakes from time to time but I'm afraid this poem is littered with them.

Cheers
Cam

[Xerves]

Greetings, Thank you

Thank you for bringing this to my attention I was not aware of this when I hit the submit button. Anyhow, I belive it is fixed.

[pseud]

Not sure I understand the Viagra ending...it works with "up and down" - but, it just doesn't seem to flow in a poem that just referenced a Disney character and seems to be more about self-help and optimism.

I liked this rhyme:

Downward we might be going
Onward we might be finally showing

Anyhow, good effort, later,

- Caleb

[Xerves]

Greetings,

Thanks yeah I just thought it ryhmed with Nigra. Anyhow, later.









-Kurtis- {Monday............}

[pseud]

Nah.....Don't tell me you just stuck that in there just because it rhymed?

People don't read things that make no sense more than once (that's why no one takes me seriously). It may rhyme but that doesn't mean it fits.

[Thomas]

Xerves don't be dis-heartened by silly mistakes in grammer this could be possably put down to being really keen to post a poem,Been guilty of that myself when i first joined,Any way i look at poems this way write your work then check then write again and place your punctuation etc.Then post your piece thats what i do.I read your piece and although there may be some confusing points such as 'VIAGRA' i also think that good imagery is present within your piece maybe worth re-vamping and scaling down and see what peeps think then.Hope this helps Tom..

And many thanks for your comment on my prose writing,Although i think you were maybe a bit to kind lol...Later Tom...

[pseud]

When do we get to see Part 1?