The Elephant and the Dove

[dl04]

The Dove is stubborn
defiant
paints soft and strong.

Oil touches on
monkey reflections,
passed over models
with depressive ideals.

The Elephant laughs,
strides
he likes to paint them
captured in a wall.

Tusk to feather
stoic to vivacious.
Like every relationship,
the Elephant flattens everything
while the Dove flies away.

[David]

Hard to follow line by line, dl, but there's a confidence to the way you use your words that is imparted to the reader. He says yes, there's something here, I'm not sure what it is but there's definitely something here.

I look forward to some other responses. Maybe we can compare notes.

Cheers

David

[brianedwards]

I'm assuming this is a reference to Kahlo and Rivera. If so, it's intriguing and worthy of a few more reads.

Couple of quick impressions though. Although readers don't need an intimate knowledge of the subjects to enjoy the poem, without any clear references, it's difficult for somone not in-the-know to get inside the piece. The figurative language takes over. Perhaps pronouns would help, and the use of simile to lighten what otherwise read as a rather heavy-handed metaphor.
Also, the 2 different personalities and styles might be reflected better with carefully chosen language.
Just some off-the-bat ideas. Reject at will.
Cheers.

B.