Blue Hour

[SoundlessFall]

In the shallow end of night I wake and blink through sleepy tear.
To wait upon the wintered brim of world in bridal flush,
For silence on the woody web to raise a fragile hush.
In evergreen, such fallow finds no voice, yet true and clear,
The whist beneath a pepper moon, disquiet disappeared.
There, in serenity, is found a life not found in worldly scene,
Stillness spoiled not, for the quality of nights lucidity.
The hour for me to find where I belong and brook no fear.

The gentle folds of day shake loose and fall upon the dawn,
And light spills soft into the wood, gives hue to monochrome.
Colours shake the web and dewdrop damp bejewels the flower.
Morning rings the waking chimes, receives the night-times holding.
Beauty wakes from soundless sleep and smiles on all unfolding.
So, I release the stolen time I took from the blue hour.

[Thomas]

Welcome to the forum Soundless- Fall...

I have read you piece and although i'm up very late struggling to sleep I hope my critique makes sense LOL...



And light spills soft into the wood, gives hue to monochrome


Morning rings the waking chimes, receives the nighttimes holding

I like these two lines although a space between the NIGHT-TIMES might help,In fact Reading the poem I like the imagery,Although I would personally try to incorparate some punctuation to able the reader to breath and also for you to dictate the beat and tempo of the poem..

Apart from that I look forward to reading more of your work and welcome once again to the forum.... Thomas.

[SoundlessFall]

Thank you THOMAS,

I have just moved over from Writers Dock, where the quality of reviews was not good. It is a plesant experience to read constructive feedback instead of spiteful remarks.

I appreciate some peole will not like my poetry, as I too have my own tastes but you have made me feel I made a better choice this time round in choosing to post on poetsgrave. Thank you.

SF

[Thomas]

Glad to help anytime I am no expert but I have learnt alot from all kinds of peeps on here,Very talented ones I may add.My work still has it's faults but this is what the forum is all about.

Enjoy your work and keep writing and Im sure me aswell as others will enjoy your work..

Thanks Thomas...

[TarkovskyMirror]

I like your poetry. There is something tangibly human in you description, and yet it still has the distance of the deliberate muse. In my own experience, to distance oneself from the current trends of humaity and attempt to refine the essence of one's view, ultimately ends in heartbrake. Although I wish it weren't true, no "man" is an island. There is something raw and emotive that your poems lack. Perhaps the lines are too long. In my own experience, I find my messages diluted if I make lines any more than ten syllables. I also like an interspersed rhyme-scheme that isn't strictly rigid. Here is the first verse of an unfinished piece that I posted a while back:

Vapourish Beauty: Unfinished

By what omniscient star' which did hone

Subservient digits thus, to strip her

From pools of chaste essence discriminant;

Didst thou vouchsafe in beauteous vapour,

And prime celestial bodies alone

In earthly volution, to swill their veins;

Those red, raging rapids that signpost change:

Precipitates 'pon finer thought, life's rain?

And dost thou dictate love, lucid as bone

White clouds feed black gulleys 'midst mans terrain?

[SoundlessFall]

Thank you for your review. The structure I used for this poem is adapted from classical Welsh poetry.

Perhaps it lends itself better to the Welsh language but I was pleased with the results on a personal level. It creates a grandeur, that is possibly beyond my ability to do justice to. Undaunted, I thought it worth a try and I think it has the baroque feel that I wanted the poem to have.

Poetry is like any other art form, it is prey to the fickle whims of fashion. This type of poetry is hopelessly out of fashion but it is very much the type of poetry I prefer and wish to write. After all, Oscar Wilde said, "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter
it every six months." Who am I to argue with Oscar Wilde?

From the use of language in your snippet I can see you too have a feel for the baroque. It is a highly stylised form of poetry and for many is too rich. I like both fragments (one posted on O Century) and would encourage you to finish them.

Ironically poets such as Byron and Rimbraud and the others seen as revolutionaries in their time have earned a respectability that has made them part of the poetry establishment, which I am sure, would have horrified them both. In turn has made the style unfashionable for many. It would appear there is a deliberate and conscious effort to move away from this simply because it is considered to be 'establishment' and nothing new. Personally, I think this style of poetry still has much to offer up that is both challenging and new.

Poetry is about making the connection between experience and expression. I choose to express my experience this way because it is how I want it communicated. I accept that some will like it and some will not.

However, the arguements persist and poetry remains one of the most bitterly contested art forms over what is good poetry and what is not. I think that is healthy and will ensure the survival of poetry as an art form.

SF