Still short
of the age of consent
but Gillick competent;
allowed to choose death
over life.
She found herself
beneath an abaya
and discovered a force for change,
a divine wind,
to wrest innocents
from Baquba.
Her proud parents
will celebrate her passing,
remember her courage,
reflect on her promise,
then miss her all the more.
This might be rather cryptic, so I’ve provided links to explain.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/engl ... 721231.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gillick_competence
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/w ... 124157.ece
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oranggunung
- Preponderant Poster
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That's sad.
Nice testament to a life. But unless I'm reading you completely wrong, it's a judgmental one. The title alone, when one comes to understand it, is surely meant to be jarring. Then there's the opening verse which highlights the fact that she can't legally decide trivial (comparatively anyway) things, but she can choose death over life on a whim. And legally at that...
I confess that I don't fully understand the second verse, Baquba included.
And then there's the end. The use of proud sticks out in conjunction with the last line. Surely more commentary from the writer.
Am I wrong?
Nice testament to a life. But unless I'm reading you completely wrong, it's a judgmental one. The title alone, when one comes to understand it, is surely meant to be jarring. Then there's the opening verse which highlights the fact that she can't legally decide trivial (comparatively anyway) things, but she can choose death over life on a whim. And legally at that...
I confess that I don't fully understand the second verse, Baquba included.
And then there's the end. The use of proud sticks out in conjunction with the last line. Surely more commentary from the writer.
Am I wrong?
There's only one rule in street and bar fights: maximum violence, instantly. (Martin Amis, "Money")
thats a fascinating story, i cant possibly imagine how it feels to be in her parents shoes. just wow.
ok, back to the poem, im not sure what relevance the second stanza has to the story. Surely there is enough material for a poem in the first story without having to bulk it up. Its factual enough already, this makes it a bit of a minefield of trivia.
i disagree with the comments about the last line and the use of proud. to me they are observations on the complexities of human emotion and not merely specifics.
also S1, i think "allowed to choose death over life" sounds a little strange, perhaps a more obvious "allowed to choose between life death" sheds light on an equally enormous proposition, without sounding obscure.
that said, i really enjoyed the read
cheers
ok, back to the poem, im not sure what relevance the second stanza has to the story. Surely there is enough material for a poem in the first story without having to bulk it up. Its factual enough already, this makes it a bit of a minefield of trivia.
i disagree with the comments about the last line and the use of proud. to me they are observations on the complexities of human emotion and not merely specifics.
also S1, i think "allowed to choose death over life" sounds a little strange, perhaps a more obvious "allowed to choose between life death" sheds light on an equally enormous proposition, without sounding obscure.
that said, i really enjoyed the read
cheers
Aren't people absurd! They never use the freedoms they do have but demand those they don't have; they have freedom of thought, they demand freedom of speech.
I was talking about this earlier how one girl was being taken to court by her health authority so that they could force her to have a heart transplant which would probably have been to no avail anyway. Now they've backed down and she can live out her short life with her family instead of in hospital.
The other thirteen year old was allowed to die as a 'martyr' - God bless these 'religious' types who 'allow' young people, and the mentally ill, to sacrifice theirselves, before bravely continuing to buckle up another explosive belt on another would be martyr.
What a contrast.
...freedom, eh?
Anyway - good topical stuff and nicely tied together in the last verse.
a divine wind - I like the contemporary religious meaning here, as well as the original one associated with the Japanese.
a force for change - That'd be a touch of understatement.
nice one og
Barrie
The other thirteen year old was allowed to die as a 'martyr' - God bless these 'religious' types who 'allow' young people, and the mentally ill, to sacrifice theirselves, before bravely continuing to buckle up another explosive belt on another would be martyr.
What a contrast.
...freedom, eh?
Anyway - good topical stuff and nicely tied together in the last verse.
a divine wind - I like the contemporary religious meaning here, as well as the original one associated with the Japanese.
a force for change - That'd be a touch of understatement.
nice one og
Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
Skillfully linked stories, og. Brought to mind Barrie's 'Freewill' and the 'nonsense of purpose'. Although I agree with SS that there is a touch of bias in the juxtaposition but then with such emotive subjects I feel that subjectivity is inevitable.
A write for the times we live in. Well done.
Jimmy
A write for the times we live in. Well done.
Jimmy
I read this as more about the Iraqi 13 yr old suicide bomber, with S2 the heart of the poem, than the Gillick competent 13 yr old who stands as a contrast. Deep ironies. Packs a punch in very few words. Is 13 the new 19?
And far from seeing this as polemical, I'd see it as complex and thought-provoking. Because surely you can be just as brain-washed into having a heart transplant as you can into becoming a suicide bomber? What it says to me is that everyone has to take responsibility for themselves and what they persuade others to do. The child's right to decide might be praiseworthy at one time and terrifying at another.
Will stop rambling now. Great poem, og. (Does it matter that we need so much background to understand it? In general I'm in favour of dropping your readership in the deep end...)
cheers
Helen
And far from seeing this as polemical, I'd see it as complex and thought-provoking. Because surely you can be just as brain-washed into having a heart transplant as you can into becoming a suicide bomber? What it says to me is that everyone has to take responsibility for themselves and what they persuade others to do. The child's right to decide might be praiseworthy at one time and terrifying at another.
Will stop rambling now. Great poem, og. (Does it matter that we need so much background to understand it? In general I'm in favour of dropping your readership in the deep end...)
cheers
Helen
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oranggunung
- Preponderant Poster
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- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:15 pm
- Location: Dublin, Ireland
Thank you all for the comments.
SS
This wasn’t meant to be judgemental. It’s a failure on my part if it reads that way. S1 and S3 were supposed to focus on both events, but I couldn’t make S2 work in the same way. I opted for the more dramatic images, so that’s sensationalism on my part. Even so, no commentary was intended.
pitseleh
I’m sure there is enough material in either story to warrant a poem, but I was taken by the similarities of the situations. It wasn’t possible to compare and contrast without including both stories. That, in the end, was what this poem was about.
I’m glad S3 worked for you.
“Death over life” This was an architectural/aesthetic decision. The sense of the words mimics their position on the page. Perhaps a little trivial, but I was trying to avoid the obvious.
Barrie
The story might be seen as a tale of two martyrs. The first sacrifices the opportunity of a heart transplant so that her quality of life (or what remains of it) is assured, while allowing someone else (hopefully) to make use of the next available heart. The second sacrifices her one life to take the lives of many others. When I discovered the age of the girls involved was the same, the stories became firmly linked in my mind.
RB
There was no intention to bias the story. The issues are very difficult and it’s not easy to be objective. I imagine the stories elicit strong emotions in many people. My attempt was to make readers think about the stories, rather than tell them what to feel. If that wasn’t evident, then the lightness of touch which I hoped to attain fell short.
Helen
Background. That's a tricky one. Not everyone keeps abreast of the news, and the contrast of the stories is what makes this interesting, imho. There’s still plenty to think about, once you’ve read the stories, and I’d prefer to know that the readers were up-to-speed rather than grasping at straws.
I’m glad you saw this as thought-provoking.
og
SS
This wasn’t meant to be judgemental. It’s a failure on my part if it reads that way. S1 and S3 were supposed to focus on both events, but I couldn’t make S2 work in the same way. I opted for the more dramatic images, so that’s sensationalism on my part. Even so, no commentary was intended.
pitseleh
I’m sure there is enough material in either story to warrant a poem, but I was taken by the similarities of the situations. It wasn’t possible to compare and contrast without including both stories. That, in the end, was what this poem was about.
I’m glad S3 worked for you.
“Death over life” This was an architectural/aesthetic decision. The sense of the words mimics their position on the page. Perhaps a little trivial, but I was trying to avoid the obvious.
Barrie
The story might be seen as a tale of two martyrs. The first sacrifices the opportunity of a heart transplant so that her quality of life (or what remains of it) is assured, while allowing someone else (hopefully) to make use of the next available heart. The second sacrifices her one life to take the lives of many others. When I discovered the age of the girls involved was the same, the stories became firmly linked in my mind.
RB
There was no intention to bias the story. The issues are very difficult and it’s not easy to be objective. I imagine the stories elicit strong emotions in many people. My attempt was to make readers think about the stories, rather than tell them what to feel. If that wasn’t evident, then the lightness of touch which I hoped to attain fell short.
Helen
Background. That's a tricky one. Not everyone keeps abreast of the news, and the contrast of the stories is what makes this interesting, imho. There’s still plenty to think about, once you’ve read the stories, and I’d prefer to know that the readers were up-to-speed rather than grasping at straws.
I’m glad you saw this as thought-provoking.
And surely you can be brain-washed into not having a heart transplant too?surely you can be just as brain-washed into having a heart transplant as you can into becoming a suicide bomber?
og