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[Arcadian]

[Leslie]

Time someone said something about this one, Arco. I hate to see a poem lying there without a comment to its name; defeats the purpose of the site. It’s difficult to comment on some, admittedly, especially when the meaning is so wrapped up that only the author knows what it’s about.
That doesn’t apply in this case. I guess you are a sailing addict. The image of finding a haven, or a place to moor can have a variety of applications.
There’s quite a bit of alliteration in this short piece, used to good effect; cobalt cove coral, the whole line ‘encrusted in sea salt crystals and carbarnacles’, time for the tiller to, so scallop shells, can collect in concave. - The tongue has a merry time.
The ‘cobalt cove’ is a fine image, makes the picture vivid. Should it be ‘in’ or ‘into’?
Not sure about that word ‘carbarnacles’, new one on me – my spellchecker didn’t like it.
Truly love the section about scallop shells collecting the afternoon’s gold nectar in their concave hives – a beautiful collection of ideas!
What about ‘foment’? That seems the wrong word, has the wrong meaning, it doesn’t really suggest restoration.
The Salt with a capital letter presumably uses salt as the term for a seafarer.
Coming to the last line, which talks of regaining waning inspiration, the poem seems to move away from sailing and maybe to one of those other applications where it becomes a figure for the poet who has drifted aimlessly and seeks inspiration. A subject treated in many ways in many poems – but I do like this one. Neat and colourful. Leslie.

[camus]

A neglected gem here I think, I missed it.

I occasionallly find your RICH language a little hard to digest, (just my preference) but I think it worked well in this poem.

Some great C/Sea words: Coral, crystals, carbanacles and Caulking is a great word!

The theme of recognising when you should rest/quit/take time out works well as the metaphor.

Much packed into 2 stanzas. Improves with age.

Although Being "blown in a Cobalt cave", may well conjour up quite a different image, if you're an Aya Napa raver! or some such debauched individual.

[jkvanburen]

agree with the last 2 posters on the rich language, I enjoy your use of repeating sounds, and lingo of the seas.

A nit. While certainly not my forte nor a pet peeve, you might consider looking back over this and be consistent on punctuation and capitalizations. When you use more twisted language that requires more effort to read through, I find it is always helpful to the reader to carefully place line breaks, caps and commas/periods.

An enjoyable read! I look forward to more of your work.

~Jennifer

[pseud]

Yes what a wonderful use of two text messages...liked especially the meter of these four lines:


Seems no need for oakum to stop up the seams

DUM da-da-da-DUM da-da-DUM da-da-DUM

(Headless iamb, followed by a pyrrhic, iamb and two anapests)


Caulking is a chore , after days adrift at sea.

DUM-DUM da-da-DUM da-da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM

(Spondee followed by two anapests and two iambs)


Time for the tiller to relax the steadfast lock

DUM da-da-DUM-da; da-da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM

(Headless iamb, pyrrhic, trochee, anapest, two iambs)


So scallop shells can collect in concave hives

da-DUM da-DUM da-da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM

(my favorite - four iambs with an anapest in the center)


Sorry, the drummer in me is coming through.

Now ask me again, have I learned anything from your tutorials?



Thanks for posting this,

- Caleb

[pseud]

I'm sure the meter was probably a bit accidental, still enjoyed.

[Arcadian]

wow ! a whole bunch of reviewers- so cool

this young writer (LOL) - appreciates all your comments and feedback ...yes I see all these nits now!

and I take on board all suggestions - thank you kindly

pseud ! - this must be a first in this forum - a metrical analysis - I enjoyed it immensely - ok - so you are natural with rhythm - but a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing- LOL

jennifer - welcome to the forum - i understand what you are saying - read in poetry discussion - thread on formatting line by pseud - very interesting discussion

leslie - your in depth crit is great -thanks

stay well
Arco

[cameron]

Caleb - CAULKing would be a trochee in my book. Spondees are comparatively rare in English. An example from Peter Reading would be 'SPAT SNOT' or from Ted Hughes's The Thought Fox 'HOT STINK of FOX'.

Peter Reading uses many classical meters such as alcaics etc into which he puts uncompromising modern material. One of my fave poets.

Cam

[Macavity]

Coral antlers scratch on the hull

Many pleasures, but I thought that one of the tastiest.

cheers

mac

[Arcadian]

Sorry Leslie,

I didnt address your initial questions:

There are useless crustaceans that cling onto the hull ( but in poem are they ? - could be seen as loose ideas, as in journal writing, that persisit, germinate and nag until writer uses them for his next creation - you will note the word "seams", suggests a joining of the planks ( as in joining a line of strophe or paragraph in the creative writing process)

That is right Salt refers to an old sailor - (sailing as a metaphor for writing) who has run out of ideas but needs, to stop, take note of the ephemera that has accumated on the hull and often these are good source of ideas for new material- ( hull could be seen as the body of the "Salt"

Now foment means:

in my oxford dictionary means ( throw away that american spellchecker !)

to bathe with warm or medicated lotion; apply warmth; foster;stimulate; invigorate (sentient, conduct etc)

the afternoon gold (sunlight is a lotion)- gold rays - hints at honey ( you will note this substance is the only food that doesn't rot - Royal Queen Bee honey - is well known for longevity in health food circles)

foment also sounds like ferment - but that would of meant i had to introduce , grape wine metaphor/connotations, which didnt seem to fit ... the 160 character stanza - arcku form, it of would of needed reworking, self editing etc.

I note your comment about writing and sometimes the author only knows what it means- this is always a problem - reader & writer have different life/learning experiences - however i find that etymology of words and thinking imagistically: showing by implication, suggesting with room for improvisation of meaning is better than the ratiocinative process of pendatic, slow plodding logical analysis- isn't poetry more like lateral thinking amplifying a whole range nuances to heighten the reading experience ? - or else why bother...just read the local tabloid


well thats about it -Im done

cheers
Arco

[Arcadian]

I'am disappointed guys !

didn't anybody see the two paddles ( tilt the neck and see sideways) ?

perhaps my drawing is bad...

arco

[pseud]

LOL six or seven
useful replies already...there's no pleasing you!
haha...yes now that I look at it I see the paddles.

for proof, ^ another paddle.

Oh and cam, as always you are right.