Nightfall: the city streets are furrows sown
with phosphor; glibly they delineate
intractable biography and fate:
a ring-road-girdled residential zone.
Eminence
Four lines that you would be hard-pressed to pack with more impact, k-j. The city imagery is all there; lights, life and the discrete 'biography' of its denizens.
'Glibly' sits so well in this. It presages the tone of what follows with precision and its sound is built into the scene with crafty ease.
A quartet of lines with as much (far more) between them as in them.
The sort of writing that inspires. I was caught in its headlights and am truly impressed.
Jimmy
'Glibly' sits so well in this. It presages the tone of what follows with precision and its sound is built into the scene with crafty ease.
A quartet of lines with as much (far more) between them as in them.
The sort of writing that inspires. I was caught in its headlights and am truly impressed.
Jimmy
-
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 128
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:25 pm
Very evocative and dense with meaning. I want to see more. writing of this quality must develop into a greater statement, please.
-
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7456
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
I liked this too. Unlike Jimmy I'm not at all sure about glibly. If it were mine I'd use "strictly" but then I'm probably as dense as the poem itself!
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
A packed piece of work - several reads needed before everything became clear.
the city streets are furrows sown
with phosphor
are marvellously sounding lines full of atmosphere.
Methinks you chose glibly rather carefully - I suspect there is a lot being said in that one word.
Good stuff
elph
the city streets are furrows sown
with phosphor
are marvellously sounding lines full of atmosphere.
Methinks you chose glibly rather carefully - I suspect there is a lot being said in that one word.
Good stuff
elph
This is the second poem I've seen on here today that doesn't seem to require criticism but still demands a response. A lot of people have commented on the use of the word "glibly", I like it. I can't think of a word that better describes the streets' thoughtless framing of portraits; your diction clearly isn't glib. You see what I did there, it was.....oh dear.
A no doubt apocryphal story - when John Gielgud had been introduced to Edward Woodward, he said, "Interesting name - sounds like a fart in the bath."k-j wrote:Thanks everyone. "Glibly" is a funny word isn't it - it's that "lbl" sound, like bubbles surfacing.
It does too, I think, he said (glibly).
-
- Moderator
- Posts: 7963
- Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 4:53 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: this hill-shadowed city/of razors and knives.
- Contact:
For some reason it's a very funny name if you say it without the ds... sort of eeewar woowar.
I liked this poem very much, though I was very slightly disappointed in the last line. Seemed too matter-of-fact. But that could just be me.
I liked this poem very much, though I was very slightly disappointed in the last line. Seemed too matter-of-fact. But that could just be me.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
___________________________
Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk
___________________________
Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk