The Discoteque

[Bombadil]

Mixing in with mini-skirt miscreants,
silk thonged throngs,
demure but deviant debutantes
and fucked-up fashion faux-pas fetishists;
some set up. Sinful synergies tangle, strangle,
dangle to the floor. Fallacies fail fast
where shirts and skirts rise rhythmically lights
and bits and tits flashing
out and on, off and in:
together forever.
Thudding thickly, quickly climaxing
and recommencing, confusedly.
Horny humans hump and grind:
a feral feast for virile beasts,
dancing, dirty
prancing, flirty
in this gender bending blender
pop-culture creates, manipulates,
syncopates then regurgitates.

[pseud]

Internal consonance and rhyme adds to the cynicism of this one. Was it supposed to imitate the beat of the music perhaps? That's the feeling I got.

Very accurate depiction of most dances/parties /concerts I've been to, you just forgot to mention the drugs and alcohol...but when stripped down to the basics it really is just a horny-fest.

Nicely done.

- Caleb

PS: thank you for adding "consonance" to my vocabulary. I had no clue what it meant til you said it.

[unchained soul]

Keith,

I agree with Caleb there. Very good poem. Really did like the line "and fucked-up fashion faux-pas fetishists;" and "a feral feast for virile beasts" - very clever. Ive got to get the dictionary out for "syncopates" lol.

Rach

[dillingworth]

like this - if it were any longer the alliteration would drive me mad, but as it is it creates a good thumping effect reflecting the music, as pseud said. i think "horny" sticks out like a sore thumb, though: you've used so many great words, this one seems to crude somehow. no other criticisms at all, though!

[seeksthebalance]

Hey,

Great poem, I love the pulse and energy. You have a great knack, from what I have seen of your work so far, for building a climax of both rhythm and language and this is another fine example.

I thought the compound 'pop-culture' broke the rhythm a bit at the end, but I can't suggest an alternative and I think meaning must take precedence of meter on this one. If you can come up with an alternative it would remove the only flaw I saw in this poem.

Seeks.

[figure eight]

This really catches the feeling. It's an absoulte joy to read aloud.

[Bombadil]

Glad everyone liked. I had hoped the deliberate clunk hadn't been overdone.

Cheers,

Keith