When The Saints

[ray miller]

I'm so Mr. Nice, sacrifice achieve sainthood
if I tighten the voice tell me that I ain't good.
I thought I'd retired from the nursing station,
the scent linger to me, I don't lose the patients.
I still have the patience of homo sapiens
but one day perhaps...
My mother-in-law has vascular dementia.
She move in to our house! What a great adventure!
Chewing on spectacles, reading with her dentures,
she say what she see but it don't make no sentence.
"This a queer toothpaste taste, I don't care for it much!"
She been brushing with the cream for vaginal thrush.
Her memory bank is running out of credit,
she not aware she here and we can't forget it!
Friend say you fool to persist in this folly, Ray,
I say I no longer needing a holiday.
One minute we in Paris, then we in Texas,
we travelled all around the world since our breakfast,
in continents, corners of the earth we visit
on her old age pension and her free bus ticket.
She pause for a chat with her mother and sister,
the yellowing lampshade and the aspidistra;
we are twilight kissed in a wistful ambience,
we four playing whist, I can hear an ambulance
siren that's screaming, swoop low upon the hunted,
too much meaning, my emotions should be blunted.
A pill or a drink, a frontal lobotomy,
I'm your patient saint, what else have you got for me?
We given up listening to the hip-hop band
now I'm a paid up member of The Crazy Gang.
We laugh at cheeky chappies, we meet Vera Lynn,
and sit around waiting for the war to begin.
On Sundays we dose up on old time religion
and she starts to sing as I sweat in the kitchen,
"Oh, when the saints go marching in,
Oh, when the saints go marching in",
I join in - unless there's an almighty blunder
I've booked my spot, I'm gonna be in that number.

[R. Broath]

I can't think of another word for this but excellent, Ray. The tone and style are credit-worthy in themselves, the pathos and humour are subtle and sympathetic, the rendition and ryhme/half rhyme have your characteristic light touch while conveying a sad and lonely journey. It reminds me of another writer whom I admire very much; Alan Bennett.

and sit around waiting for the war to begin.

This is just one of those great lines to illuminate the pathos/humour mix which pervades the whole and imbues it with that humane and Ray-esque quality.

Great read.

Jimmy

[Ros]

Some great images here, Ray, - but I didn't really like this until about line 7. The first section just confused me and didn't really draw me in. But I'm not sure this is the type of poem that I naturally warm to, so just ignore me...

Rosemary

[ray miller]

Thanks for your kind words. She moved in on Monday. I think we've discovered how to stop having sex.

[oranggunung]

Ray

Like Ros, I don’t think this really kicks off until line 7. The subject is dealt with very well (echoes of Jimmy’s praise). The forbearance of the trials and tribulations suggests that the path to sainthood can’t be far away.

The linguistic style gave me pause for thought. It had an early (1970s) Jim Davidson feel to it, that made me feel slightly uncomfortable. My sensibilities and not your intention, I’m sure. It’s a shame, because it stopped me from getting into the full swing of it.

A nitlet: should almighty be capitalized, to emphasize your meaning?


have fun with the Crazy Gang

og

[David]

The linguistic style gave me pause for thought.

You know, it sounds quasi-Jamaican to me, which seems strange, but I like it.

The line that Jimmy has quoted with admiration is one that stood out for me as well, but the whole thing is good, although I see what Ros and og mean about the opening section.

Very good, Ray, and probably a cracking performance piece.

Cheers

David

[Nigel]

A great performance piece - luv'd it !

[ray miller]

More quasi-Jamaican than Jim Davison, I hope! I've been listening to Dan le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip and reading Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys, which has a fair bit of Jamaican patois. It's all been absorbed.

og I was trying to be subtle with almighty. Can't you see how subtle and understated it all is!?

No better praise for me than a cracking/good piece of performance poetry. I'm supposed to be performing it next Saturday night. Anyone know any good mother-in-law jokes?

[OwenEdwards]

I definitely got a mix of Langston Hughes and Beenie Man on this one...

I like it. I don't mind the opening section, though perhaps it could be cut...however, it staying in does set up an expectation that is very dramatically NOT fulfilled, but instead is replaced by the tragic aspect...

[ray miller]

What are you saying, Owen? Do I not get the halo after all? Have I not even reached the pray-offs? Damnation!