Seen It All.

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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TilDeathOverTakesMe
Posts: 40
Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2005 9:40 pm

Tue Sep 13, 2005 5:44 pm

I know where I am,
in the forests of the cities
where concrete trees hang shadows
to hide the choking mist.

And I remember the future
with its war is hell and
cake is good.

Been down by the banks of
the Sylvan Wye, have I. I remember.

Seen it all.
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unchained soul
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Posts: 290
Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2005 6:11 pm
Location: Essex

Wed Sep 14, 2005 11:01 am

Hi Till Death,

I liked this poem. Particularly liked the lines "where concrete trees hang shadows to hide the choking mist".

Very good.

Rach :D
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moniquejade
Posts: 32
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:16 am

Wed Sep 14, 2005 1:54 pm

Hello, I def agree with Rachael. but Im not sure about the two I s together "have I. I remember" but maybe you have a reason. But I quite enjoyed this, consice and to the point with great visuals. best wishes mj
TilDeathOverTakesMe
Posts: 40
Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2005 9:40 pm

Wed Sep 14, 2005 2:40 pm

Thanks. It took a whole 60 seconds to write, so I'm glad my hard work has been so well-received.
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