Smelling Mornings

[Derek]

SMELLING MORNINGS

5.23 p.m. September 2003

It is hard to wake up with the sunrise,
When the nights go on too long,
I find the nights are long enough,
But in nights are where i belong,

These daily days are all filled up,
With people I love and call friends,
I write for them and strangers too,
I think that this writing, it never ends,

Sometimes i wake up smelling mornings,
It smells different to the long night,
It is hard to make sense of anything,
When all i can do is to write.

copyright D.G.Allan

[cameron]

Hi Del and welcome to the forum.

This probably works well as a song lyric (which I assume it is) but, for me, it is a tad flat on the page. It also features 'telling' rather than 'showing'.

Some of it is ungrammatical eg 'But in nights are where i belong' and the rhymes seem rather forced.

Sorry to be negative.

Cheers
Cam

[Derek]

Thank you for your comment. It is not negative. We all write different and we are all different. I write lyrics do, maybe that is what i am. I do not know what a poet is, i know a poem is what i have written. I am not educated with words as i left school at 15 and taught myself then epilepsy took away a lot what i knew. I write from the heart and never force anything, it always flows, good or bad. But what you have said has made sense and i am not offended. I capture moments and never try to change what is written as then it is from the mind and not from the heart. It is the way i write. I would like you to comment on anything i write. It is nice to be noticed. Live well.