Signal Hill, St John's, NF

[k-j]

(where, in 1901, Marconi
hoisted his kite to the elements, bent his
ear to a "crude" receiver, listened,
heard three incredible dots, di-
minished the world),

stands overlooking the
mouth of the harbour (ice-crusted, sunlit,
sheltering trawlermen,
masses of gulls indicating the molten
streak of the effluent pipe).

[cameron]

Surprised no-one has commented on this one. Very nice description of the harbour. However, I'm not sure that it fits very well with the historical stuff about Marconi. It's almost as though there are 2 separate poems here.

I can understand why you put the first stanza in brackets, but not sure why you employ them in stanza 2?

Good stuff though.

Cam

[Arcadian]

kj,

this is a beautiful written piece - it works on many levels
however there is a point of concern about that kite...but its a minor one - the overall poem is classy

things that stand out for me :

I like the curious use of the paranthesis/brackets it has an almost algebraic property -paranthesis in mathematical calculations define the order of precedence or override them- so are we to apply same process to the images contained there in your poem

We have an outer bracket - like the skin of an almond and the inner bracket for the almonds kernel ...but a kernel to what ?

or outer layer of an onion then we peel and to another inner layer and we shed tears ? to what ?

you mention marconi - inventor of the wireless telegraph

but a kite ??? - this is more a benjamin franklin's kite in a storm with a key attached have on the kite strings and lightning strikes and conducts and it glows and ignites intuition ...the possibilities of electricity

I see the contrast of unadulterated communication's with the dots and dashes for the very first transmission of the vocal message along the wires..."Hello"

and pipe pumping out efflunece - crappy communciations clogging the channels that built over time with constant usage ...and the trawlermen there to service the blockages -


nicely done

Arco

[k-j]

Hi Cam, thanks for commenting. I agree that the two parts don't fit too comfortably together. Obviously the first thing I want is for the poem to stand by itself as a poem. I think you're right that the second set of brackets bugger things up a bit in that regard.

I suppose the two sets of brackets are two different takes on the same place - one guidebook and one not so guidebook, one historical and one immediate. I was sort of thinking, how important to the place-as-poem are its history and immediacy? So I put them in brackets because that's where you put the non-essentials. It depends what kind of place and what kind of poem, I guess.

Arco, thanks. I think you're "getting" what I was trying to do with the brackets. As for the kite, Marconi actually did use a kite to lift his antenna on that day in 1901: http://www.wireservices.com/n9zrt/live- ... s/marconi/.

[figure eight]

Hey kj,

I really liked this poem. Especially the last 2 lines;

masses of gulls indicating the molten
streak of the effluent pipe).

What a great image. Maybe it's just me but I didn't get the metaphor of the effluent stream symbolising crappy communications clogging the channels that Arcadian picked up on. I assumed it was meant to be literal but I could be wrong. I sort of agree about the second set of brackets but I have a tendency to over use them myself so can't really comment. I loved the idea and execution of the lines three incredible dots diminishing the world.

I don't really want to criticise as I liked this so much but the line that felt jarred slightly (although it's one of my favourites)is line 5. I always want to read the word diminished as diminishing or diminish. Did you consider those alternatives? As it stands with the current punctuation it reads like Marconi diminished the world and while I know it was him I just like the idea that it was the dots themselves that did it (just my opinion).

Anyway really loved this I'll look back through the archive for more of your work.

F8

[k-j]

Thanks, F8. I think that changing "diminished" to "diminish", placing the responsibility on the dots themselves, is a great suggestion. I hadn't thought of it but you're spot on. And no, there was no metaphor intended with the pipe. Ceci est simplement une pipe, as Magritte should have said.

[cameron]

This has been selected by figure eight as the next featured poem. Congratulations.

Are you happy to pick the next one in 3 weeks or so??

Cheers
Cam

[k-j]

Cheers, F8. Always wondered what you had in store for me. Of course I'll pick the next one, Cam.

[Bombadil]

kj,

a worthy piece indeed. a well earned feature. congrats.


-K.