The Poem

[camus]

It opened as a carnival: hoots and howls
and you allowing for violence.
It knew you somehow; lowered your scowl
hunched your back, adjusted your glasses.
Worked on you like a playground wound,
tears held back, progressed liked cress
with an abundant ease, similarly cultivated.
It didn’t have much to say for itself, and
finished as it started, hoots and howls,
bloodandbrokenglass.

[Danté]

camus

I like the way this revolves and although I am unable to be definite about the exact circumstances
using what's available immediately in the poem, I don't think it matters.
It's not carrying any wasteful phrases, although I would have liked to have had just a little more of an effect
from the tears held back and the image of them being like cress and sprouting beyond the visual
aspect of them not flowing, by way of their alternative effect.
There are some clever images, my favourite has to be the playground wound, and how when in the
presence of our peers we manage to keep the visual signs of being vulnerable to pain tucked away.
I thought that to be the strongest part of the poem.

all the best

Tim

[David]

It seems as though this might easily have been called Grief, or something similar. The Poem seems an oddly coy title for it, but that's no problem. Good stuff, and I love the cress image - just made me sit up and say yeah, that's good.

Cheers

David

[Jasper]

Tis a pity you couldn't finish it as it started, C... maybe using Fair instead of Carnival might inspire you to?
And I loathe similes.

J

[brianedwards]

I think it does end how it starts: the lack of spacing mirroring the carnival; the theatrics created by form.
That's how I read it anyhow: a clever little meta-poem, though one with, perhaps, not too much to say for itself.

Or maybe it's about a (gulp) reelayshonsheep??? Surely not!!

Fun, regardless, but looking forward to something meatier from a pen I admire.

B.

[thoke]

Bit confused by the title and the cress bit. Apart from that, quite a moving and interesting account of... I don't know what. Being bullied at school? Lines 3-5 are especially good. The last two lines are good but I don't think it's necessary to compress the final line.

Ben

[camus]

Thanks guys.

It's just about writing a poem really.

cheers
Kris

[brianedwards]

Thanks guys.

It's just about writing a poem really.

cheers
Kris

Where do I collect my prize?

[camus]

Where do I collect my prize?

I'll see you round the tradesmans entrance.

What is a meta-poem, by the way? Is it a poem within a poem type thing?

[brianedwards]

Yeah, a poem within a poem, a poem about a poem/poetry/poetics, that kind of idea.
Ars poetica, blah.

B.

[a. gray]

Hi Camus,

this worked pretty well for me. It may not be the waste-land but it never imagined it was.

Bloodandbrokenglass is very cool and necessary. I like the bit about the playground wound and holding back tears, that rang true. Not totally sold on progressed like cress; its the sonics of it that put me off, the image is fine though.

Similarly cultivated? Maybe it was.

Overall it felt like a pretty well executed piece to me, and I've just been to a writer's festival(!)