Stop
just listen so I can
speak,
I can't recall the last time you
thought about…
What...?!
Don't pull that face
there,
behind my back
where
my shadow points to 7
Like the hand of a clock
tick
tock
like a tap dripping
drip
drop
Your flushed face
cracked, dry skinned
once like porcelain
a lack of vitamin C,
perhaps?
But stop that muttering
and sniping
sharp whispers
please.
Argument #7
-
Helen Bywater
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 154
- Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2009 6:29 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Brighton and Hove, England
Hi John,John G wrote:Stop
just listen so I can
speak,
I can't recall the last time you
thought about…
What...?!
Don't pull that face
there,
behind my back
where
my shadow points to 7
Like the hand of a clock
tick
tock
like a tap dripping
drip
drop
Your flushed face
cracked, dry skinned
once like porcelain
a lack of vitamin C,
perhaps?
But stop that muttering
and sniping
sharp whispers
please.
I like the separate parts of this, but, for me, it doesn't gel into one whole. I think it needs quite a bit of fleshing out. "My shadow points to 7" seems a bit contrived, leading to the clock reference. I didn't really get it. I think you've got the beginnings of a good poem here. Maybe it's one to come back to.
Helen
Perplexing Poster