My dog's shadow

[Sharra]

gallops beside her along the beach, wagging tail
twice as long as hers. Its tongue dangles
from a yawning mouth, trails
over pebbles, tasting seaweed and salt.

It ripples over the surface
of the incoming tide. My dog just dips
toes into the foam, but her shadow
can walk on water.

As we pass trees it disappears
into the foliage. Takes a detour to explore
the branches above my head and sneak up
on the shadows of resting birds.

On the way home, my shadow looms
beside hers and I wonder if,
at night, they sneak from under the bed
and escape through the window together.

[Helen Bywater]

gallops beside her along the beach, wagging tail
twice as long as hers. Its tongue dangles
from a yawning mouth, trails
over pebbles, tasting seaweed and salt.

It ripples over the surface
of the incoming tide. My dog just dips
toes into the foam, but her shadow
can walk on water.

As we pass trees it disappears
into the foliage. Takes a detour to explore
the branches above my head and sneak up
on the shadows of resting birds.

On the way home, my shadow looms
beside hers and I wonder if,
at night, they sneak from under the bed
and escape through the window together.

This is fun, Sharra. I like the pictures it conjures up, especially S1. Your dog hardly gets a mention, but I feel as if I can see her as well as her shadow. I like the idea of her shadow walking on water, too, and your description of the way it disappears into the trees. S4 is an amusing idea, but perhaps a bit vague. I suppose "sneak from under the bed" means that she sleeps on your bed, but it isn't clear. Good poem, though - I enjoyed reading it.

Helen

[beautifulloser]

Lovely and unanswerable, this is what I expect from poetry I cannot write. Two different shakes from the same lamb's wiggle.

You'd never find me writing this, but it's good. Only nit, is that I'd go for something less honest with the title . . . .

"Shadows" - would do?????? No? I dunno . . . . I enjoyed, regardless . . . I hate the honesty of it all, a bit.

me
x

[BenJohnson]

I enjoyed this Sharra, the stanza felt a little off to me though. I wonder if something like

On the way home, my shadow looms
beside hers like two old friends,
who sneak from the bed at night
and escape through the window together.

I think the intrusion of your thoughts altered the course of this slightly.

[Sharra]

Thanks for the comments guys
BL - I think you're right about the title - the 'My dog's' did make me cringe inwardly when I reread it, so I'll have a think about that.
Helen and Ben - I'll have another look at the last stanza, thanks for your suggestions. I wasn't entirely sure how to end it and I think that uncertainty shows.
Sharra
xx

[ray miller]

This is going to be the new thing isn't it? The title as first line of the poem a la Elphin. I thought this had a lot of charm. I wondered if you might say that our shadows joined or merged, become one in the last stanza.

[David]

Yes, the title is vaguely reminiscent of "My Lovely Horse", isn't it.

I agree that the first three stanzas capture that movement of the shadow really well, and I quite like the idea of the shadows sneaking off together at night.

It's a neat conceit, well executed.

Cheers

David

[Suzanne]

Sharra,

I enjoyed this. A story that is so familiar. You did a nice job of describing the morning walk. I didn't like the title and beginning merged together. I like the dog climbing the tree.

thanks, enjoyed
Suzanne