Lingering Touch

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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Skript
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:19 pm
Location: Caribbean

Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:28 pm

Strip me naked and lay me open
Whip my torso and scar my flesh
Torture will not render me broken
I fear not the cold grasp of death

In the mist of darkness I reach out groping
You refuse to guide my steps
Submerged in your ocean I struggle, chocking
You abandoned me to the depths

Spending my nights in this lonely coffin
That once was a home, now stifles breath
As your specter haunts my caverns with passion glowing
I hold on dearly to the lingering touch of your caress
Bombadil
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Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:11 pm

A bit better.
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Skript
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:19 pm
Location: Caribbean

Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:18 pm

Thanks, i'll get better. I'm a quick learner.
Bombadil
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Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:27 pm

That I'm sure will be revealed. I certainly hope you are. Dumbfucks tire me.
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