His turn to be poorly

[ray miller]

I'm Oxfam clothed and head full of henna,
he's Age Concern, dressed for less than a tenner.
Does this make us rivals or more compatible?
All things are possible now I'm out of hospital,
picking his path oblivious to obstacles,
catching him in an unguarded interval;
he's too hospitable to swim from my tentacles
and I'm too intent upon the prey.

"What's with the titfer?" I bubble up giggly,
kissing his cheek and trying his trilby,
holding his eyes. Why would I feel guilty?
If he'll be Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane
then I shall be Judas flirting with an enemy.
Don't talk betrayal and the double agent!
I'm just a female at my play station,
he used to be the nurse and I the patient,
now we negotiate new relations.

Aspiring to more of an equal footing,
I've climbed too high and abandoned hoodies,
the dreary woollies, my sackcloth and ashes,
words that stuck to my tongue like glue;
between heavy make-up and credit card crashes
I speak too naughty and hug too warmly,
can't ignore me, it's his turn to be poorly,
his turn to go blue.

In minutes our mood will be mellowing,
I shall saxophone and cello him
and hold the charms of poor scarred arms,
the burnt flesh on thighs and breasts,
the sin within a secondhand dress
to caress his eyes and capture him.
Wind and string go enrapturing,
pull him close to the edge of abyss.
I want him to hang on my lips
as I've hung so long on his.

[camus]

I did enjoy this Ray, containing your usual wit and eye for mundane detail, but I found it too full of "stuff."

From misplaced similes "he's Age Concern" is he? or is he from Age Concern or is he Age Concerned? Just doesn't seem to fit. To sea creature metaphors, to religious allusions then onto a female at her "play station" which was really pushing the imagination!

Of course I probably didn't get it!

Nice closure though.

cheers
Kris

[ray miller]

Thanks for responding, Kris."he's Age Concern..." simply means that he gets his clothes from a rival charity shop to her.Don't know why it'd a misplaced simile.Or why a female shouldn't be at her play station! But what do I know?
As for what it's about, think Amy Winehouse developing a crush in The Priory or summat like that.

[Helen Bywater]

I'm Oxfam clothed and head full of henna,
he's Age Concern, dressed for less than a tenner.
Does this make us rivals or more compatible?
All things are possible now I'm out of hospital,
picking his path oblivious to obstacles;
I catch him in an unguarded interval,
he's too hospitable to swim from my tentacles
and I'm too intent upon the prey.

"What's with the titfer?" I bubble up giggly,
kissing his cheek and trying his trilby,
holding his eyes. Why would I feel guilty?
If he'll be Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane
then I shall be Judas flirting with an enemy.
Don't talk betrayal and the double agent!
I'm just a female at my play station,
he used to be the nurse and I the patient,
now we negotiate new relations.

Aspiring to more of an equal footing,
I've climbed too high and abandoned hoodies,
the dreary woollies, my sackcloth and ashes,
words that stuck to my tongue like glue;
between heavy make-up and credit card crashes
I speak too naughty and hug too warmly,
can't ignore me, it's his turn to be poorly,
his turn to go blue.

In minutes our mood will be mellowing,
I shall saxophone and cello him
and hold the charms of poor scarred arms,
the burnt flesh on thighs and breasts
underneath my secondhand dress
to caress his eyes and capture him.
Wind and string go enrapturing,
pull him close to the edge of abyss.
I want him to hang on my lips
as I've hung so long on his.

An interesting read, this, Ray - packed full of great images. I found it quite confusing, though, which I thought was ironic, coming from the man who says he has trouble understanding other people's work.

I sort of get the point now you've explained it, but only sort of. And why is she burned? I suppose it's abuse or self-harm. I thought at first she'd been in a fire, because it sounds as if the burns are quite extensive, although I guess then her face would have been burned, too. Still, I think it might benefit from being a bit clearer.

I understood what you meant by Age Concern, following on from the Oxfam reference. It was after that I started to get lost.

I see the beginnings of something really good here. I like the bubbly giggly titfer bit, and your rhymes are good, especially "mellowing" and "cello him".

The end's great.

Helen

[camus]

Yep, i get it now, my mistake on the Age Concern issue.

[El Wow!]

quite beautiful ray...love the charity shop connections

El

[ray miller]

Thanks Helen, glad you liked it. The female character is meant to be a self harming manic depressive with a vengeance.I've never had any problem understanding my work!You think the last verse should be clearer or other bits too?
Thanks Kris and El Wow

[Helen Bywater]

Actually, it seems a lot clearer today. I was really knackered yesterday, from a lack of sleep, which didn't help. The thing I'm not sure about now is why she's vengeful. I think that's what confused me. I can think of reasons why a psychiatric patient might feel like that towards a nurse, but I'd like it to be clearer.