Flyers flutter unhinged from their perch
they tell you not to be too clever
for others own this place, leaving you in lurch
if you think you came at the right time
it's not the ivory tower you thought
sky scraping minds have passed here sure
but their looking down on you in the parking lot
while poster pasters, scream along, earning by the hour
even the library, with its ancient dust
and compressed pages, cripples your soul
for people force you: you must
place figment futures of glory in reserve
hours collapse and time presses short
plastic spastic fingers shutter too late
for the next class is-
rush-rush-rush (college)
In some way your level of enthusiasm for the school intrudes upon your zest for writing, in this instance.
I think writing should strive to transcend ones sense of isolation. Escapism?.....yes, I think so. Sometimes the only to spread those inner wings.
Keep exploring and keep posting.
David.
I think writing should strive to transcend ones sense of isolation. Escapism?.....yes, I think so. Sometimes the only to spread those inner wings.
Keep exploring and keep posting.
David.
- dillingworth
- Prolific Poster
- Posts: 455
- Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2005 2:53 pm
- Location: Oxford, UK
this had some nice elements, but:
the title is quite frankly silly: just call it college.
"leaving you in lurch" is forced - should be "in the lurch", but you abbreviated it to fit the meter. i'd suggest not to try to fit the lines into a fixed no of syllables as it eliminates the need for forced lines.
some punctuation and spelling needs checking - e.g. no comma after "poster pasters", "they're" instead of "their" etc.
loved the combination of "ivory tower" with "sky-scraping minds", stopped it becoming a cliche.
you've inspired me to write a poem on the vicissitudes of scholarship, thanks.
the title is quite frankly silly: just call it college.
"leaving you in lurch" is forced - should be "in the lurch", but you abbreviated it to fit the meter. i'd suggest not to try to fit the lines into a fixed no of syllables as it eliminates the need for forced lines.
some punctuation and spelling needs checking - e.g. no comma after "poster pasters", "they're" instead of "their" etc.
loved the combination of "ivory tower" with "sky-scraping minds", stopped it becoming a cliche.
you've inspired me to write a poem on the vicissitudes of scholarship, thanks.
- alex69williams
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 136
- Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:08 pm
- Location: London, UK - the gateway to anonymity
"hours collapse" - I like that. Wish I'd thought of it.
Al
Al