public transport

[desiderata]

In a field between two train tracks
I lay down
my anorak beneath the scant shade
of a lone lopped tree

kneeling I watch amused
as you attempt to scale the stunted monolith
the wind rutting deep under ripples of shirt and soft brown skin
till I am utterly convinced by your virility

satisfied you dismount your lank hair steaming like a horse’s
flanks and begin to roll yourself
a cigarette; I lean back slightly savouring
my body’s swift responses and wait for yours
to follow suit

the sky is sticky with the last rays of summer
and the steady intermittent pulsing on the railway
ferrying city workers south
to warmer climes

at last you become aware of the molten glaze
diffusing my face and I take hold and push you back gently
onto the dew-spangled tufts

your hands cold against my belly warm me below
and I arch my back to behold the impressive outcrop above
its stark protuberance serving
less to shield us than to pull the focus of dog-walkers
and distant footballers

our breaths accelerate with the motion of fingers
and tongues combining
mastery of skill with the sensitive poise
of fine-tuned machinery
as
two trains
approach from opposite ends
of the field
drowning us into their ritual
beat with faceless
recognition
to meet in the middle
an explosion of sonic arousal
speeding the performance to a neat
punctual
climax

we are sculpted
square on to the sky
aware of our audience
as the earth and the tree
unashamed in natural communion

while children dangle home from school
peppering the park with colourful cries
we zip ourselves up
and watch the seasons
changing

[dillingworth]

this is good - erotic without reaching for cliches. however, your description of coitus is not great - too literal and clumsy. why not cut it out? it's pretty obvious what's going on without the need for references to

the motion of fingers
and tongues combining

also watch out for words like "behold" - sounds incongruous and archaic. i liked the idea of two trains passing as the couple have it off - perhaps a reference to a tunnel would be too obvious?

[Bombadil]

It is indeed good to have you back, Des. Well done, as usual. Good use of rhythm and imagery. My only niggle is the mixing of eras...It seems at one minute Victorian and the next quite Modern. I am muddled for it.

Otherwise quite nice.

Cheers,

Keith

[desiderata]

wow you guys are speedy! thanks for that i was having trouble with that stanza and reworked it so many times im immune to it now. it wasnt supposed to be a literal description of sex but more about rhythm and synchronicity....but im not sure it really came off. cutting it sounds a good plan. i didnt use the tunnel thing as i wanted to avoid it being read as that blatant a metaphor. as for mixing of eras....i suppose i was trying to do the whole marriage of ancient and modern thing - hence the monolith and the ritual versus the trains and footballers. but victorian wasnt part of that plan certainly. i am a bit rusty but it's good to be back in the saddle...