Fairgrounds in the Rain - Last Version. I Promise.

[Elphin]

From a less experienced writer, I hope you don't mind me saying that following you through the rewrites has been quite a learning experience.

Version 2 is the one for me. Its tight, its expressive and it ends strongly. IMHO version three says too much without saying any more and fizzles out rather than ends.

E

[Wabznasm]

Right

Thanks both, I know what you mean.

I now know what to do with this.

Cheers for your time
Dave

EDIT - OK, all of the best bits of the versions have been put into one mega-poem. I've just tried to remove that 'stogy portentiousness' David mentioned from the second version and altered the ending a bit to Barrie's thoughts of it being a sacrifice (from from the first draft). Thanks!

[emuse]

So...how did it end? Did you ever come up with a version that is satisfactory? Great to read this old thread. I was looking for something under my name and then came across this gem. Dave, hope you're well and still at it.

E