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Re: Fairgrounds in the Rain - Last Version. I Promise.
Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 11:47 am
by Elphin
From a less experienced writer, I hope you don't mind me saying that following you through the rewrites has been quite a learning experience.
Version 2 is the one for me. Its tight, its expressive and it ends strongly. IMHO version three says too much without saying any more and fizzles out rather than ends.
E
Re: Fairgrounds in the Rain - Last Version. I Promise.
Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 11:51 am
by Wabznasm
Right
Thanks both, I know what you mean.
I now know what to do with this.
Cheers for your time
Dave
EDIT - OK, all of the best bits of the versions have been put into one mega-poem. I've just tried to remove that 'stogy portentiousness' David mentioned from the second version and altered the ending a bit to Barrie's thoughts of it being a sacrifice (from from the first draft). Thanks!
Re: Fairgrounds in the Rain - Last Version. I Promise.
Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 4:12 am
by emuse
So...how did it end? Did you ever come up with a version that is satisfactory? Great to read this old thread. I was looking for something under my name and then came across this gem. Dave, hope you're well and still at it.
E