Almost Human

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
emuse
Preponderant Poster
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Location: Los Angeles, California
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Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:10 pm

Thank you all so much for your kind wishes. Coming up for air finally. Leaving to return home to Los Angeles tomorrow. Hope to be on the boards then. Sure need it.

cheers friends

e
beautifulloser
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Sun Feb 17, 2008 12:21 pm

E,

Very saddened by your news, and my thoughts are with you.

Apologies for not coming back sooner on your question, had a logistical goings on getting my house on the market.

So . . . on the syntax thing you mentioned.

that he was nothing more than a street offering its sacrifice; neon puddles in the rain.

Yes, for me anyway, that's much clearer, I think you need the "it's" in there, personally.

Incidentally, took some stuff to the dump last weekend, and there was a video of Blade sitting there looking up at me, so I thought, my one's loss and all that . . . great film. Also, Death smells like saki in the morning - I loved the line to start with just for what it is, but now I get it.

Good stuff

Beau
x
I'm sick of it, sick of it all. I know I'm right and I don't give a shit!
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