Poetry Forum

Violator

When I was young
my Dad would spend hours
in the garage below me

filling my room
with the smell of petrol.

After a time,
a classic would roll out beneath
burbling away like some beast renewed

and we would drive
sometimes.

Very good. Lots of filial affection (I thought) without getting all sentimental about it. That title is troubling though.

I particularly like " like some beast renewed".

Cheers

David

Like David the title throws me, it leads me to think there is more than meets the eye here, but if so I am missing it. It seems to be a poem of fond memories, but the only links I can find to the title is some kind of climate change statement or the room full of petrol fumes.

I liked the ending which I read as a lot of work on the cars but rare results.

Intrigued by that title though.

The title is far too troubling for me to take the poem at face value. So I began to wonder if Dad wasn't practising guitar in the garage and eventually producing classic rock 'n' roll. And it still didn't make sense!

I think you're right about the title. It's a reference to a depeche mode album that I used to hear him listening to at that time. Most of my memories are attached to it.

Another title I had was 'Sunbeam'

I think Sunbeam would be perfect.

The Depeche Mode album could be a whole other poem.

I agree with David Sunbeam would be a great title, it fits in with the classic car references. I didn't know Depeche Mode did an album named Violator, one for me to look into.

It's a great album.. very moody, melacholic. Music for driving at night

I agree with the call for a title change. With that title, the first stanza sent me in completely the wrong (and a very unpleasant) direction.

Suggest: starting S3 with Sometimes, a full stop after drive and a cap on the second sometimes.
Title? Weekends

B.

I enjoyed this sweet trip of nostalgia – reminds me watching my dead tinker with his bike - cup of tea in hand.

Got to agree that the title (a good album as it is) can send the reader down a different path- a more dirtier path. I initially thought this was about abuse – which is totally the opposite of what you intended.

Other then that, enjoyed the read.

Hi Cooper

I have to join the queue who want to change the title. If nothing else, it misdirects the reader, who´s then peering into all possible interpretations to find dark corners.

It´s a lovely, nostalgic piece, but the last sentence is a little too convoluted for me. The last stanza feels like an inversion. Perhaps that´s because it´s at the end of a long and winding sentence.

If the pattern of the lines isn´t key to the creation, I´d be tempted to shuffle those last words:


and sometimes
we would drive.


I don´t know if that section feels awkward to others, although Brian has suggested a rearrangement in a similar place.


og

It's a good write Coop. The 'vibes' here though seem alarming. Why?

Loved it though.

Cheers,

L