Schrödinger's Hat
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The quantum world cannot tell us
when it is appropriate
to assume the dignity
of a hat-wearer
and when to run bareheaded
through the rain.
The probability is that
in spite of the storm
you should not have worn
that baseball cap
to her uncle’s funeral.
These things turn
on the spin of an electron -
like the flick of a scowl on her face
as she saw you run,
dripping, down the nave.
Your chances have collapsed.
The only waveform left
is her hand, raised in farewell.
minor edits to remove break before last line and extraneous commas
when it is appropriate
to assume the dignity
of a hat-wearer
and when to run bareheaded
through the rain.
The probability is that
in spite of the storm
you should not have worn
that baseball cap
to her uncle’s funeral.
These things turn
on the spin of an electron -
like the flick of a scowl on her face
as she saw you run,
dripping, down the nave.
Your chances have collapsed.
The only waveform left
is her hand, raised in farewell.
minor edits to remove break before last line and extraneous commas
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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I like the play on Schroedinger's Cat. For me your style of blending science with everyday life works perfectly here. Even for someone who knows nothing of quantum physics I would imagine there is still plenty of story to enjoy. There is also a flavour of wry humour which appeals to me. In all a clever piece with light hand. No crits.
Like Ben, I like this a lot. Unlike Ben, I do have nits. (Hmm. That may have come out slightly wrong.)
I like the tone in which you start this, and I don't think you need the comic effect (I nearly said the cheap comic effect) of the baseball cap.
No doubt there are all sorts of clever sciency referernces here, but that finish -
The only waveform left
is her hand, raised in farewell -
seems practically perfect to me, with or without 'em.
Cheers
David
I like the tone in which you start this, and I don't think you need the comic effect (I nearly said the cheap comic effect) of the baseball cap.
No doubt there are all sorts of clever sciency referernces here, but that finish -
The only waveform left
is her hand, raised in farewell -
seems practically perfect to me, with or without 'em.
Cheers
David
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Shouldn't that be Schrodinger? I thought this was great, made me laugh. However, having posted a poem last week describing how I inadvertently wore a hat throughout a funeral, I begin to wonder if there isn't a new parlour game afoot to which I'm not privy.Or are you just taking the piss, Ros? No amount of riches would induce me to wear a baseball cap.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
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Thanks, Ben for the lack of nits... unfortunately David seems infested. I'm not sure how to write this without the comic relief - baseball cap is a bit cliched, i suppose. Not sure how to change it, though. Ray, I think you are right about Schrodinger. Glad it made you laugh. I assure you it's not a conspiracy about hats. What sort did you wear?
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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- stuartryder
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My only challenge on this, Ros, is the last line. It seems to be trying to carry more weight than it currently can, stuck as it is out on a limb after three equally-weighted stanzas.
Light-handed but well weighted, though.
Cheers
Stuart
Light-handed but well weighted, though.
Cheers
Stuart
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You're probably right, Stuart, but I had a line left that I needed to say ![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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- stuartryder
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Heheh... I challenge you to challenge yourself to work that line back into its family group.Ros wrote:You're probably right, Stuart, but I had a line left that I needed to say
Cheers
Stu
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Thoroughly enjoyed Ros. Do you need the commas either side of "bareheaded"? As I usually understand it, anything appearing between commas can be removed from the sentence without affecting the overall meaning. I don't think that is the case here, as bareheadedness seems too important.
Also agree that the last line needn't be out on its own like that. The stanza break on "turn" works well, but the break on "left" seems like it's there to maintain a 6 line stanza.
Schroedinger = Schrödinger?
B.
~
Also agree that the last line needn't be out on its own like that. The stanza break on "turn" works well, but the break on "left" seems like it's there to maintain a 6 line stanza.
Schroedinger = Schrödinger?
B.
~
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What sort of hat did I wear? I wear a trilby hat at all times, even in bed, which probably accounts for my stiff neck and general lopsidedness.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
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ök, David.David wrote:Come on girl, embrace your inner umlaut.
I'll try running the last line intö the rest. I'm still nöt sure what, if anything, tö dö aböut the baseball cap.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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- Helen Bywater
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Hi Ros,
For what it's worth, I didn't really understand David's objection to the baseball cap, as it's the whole reason why "she" was annoyed and waved farewell. If you got rid of it, what could you put in its place? The poem worked for me.
Helen
For what it's worth, I didn't really understand David's objection to the baseball cap, as it's the whole reason why "she" was annoyed and waved farewell. If you got rid of it, what could you put in its place? The poem worked for me.
Helen
Perplexing Poster
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Thanks, Helen. I suppose it's just not very original - but, as you say, I need something objectional to happen!
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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I really like this. For me, it's a very thought stirring poem.
Just a couple things to suggest here.
not sure who the people are but uncertain as to if I need to.
First stanza is very strong. Really I see little here that needs revision.
Just a couple things to suggest here.
The introduction of "her uncle's funeral" threw me as I'mhe probability is that
in spite of the storm
you should not have worn
that baseball cap
to her uncle’s funeral.
These things turn
not sure who the people are but uncertain as to if I need to.
This last stanza, just wondered if you need a comma after "dripping"on the spin of an electron -
like the flick of a scowl on her face
as she saw you run,
dripping, down the nave.
Your chances have collapsed.
The only waveform left
is her hand, raised in farewell.
First stanza is very strong. Really I see little here that needs revision.
K
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Thanks, sandpiper, good of you to read.
well, uncertainty is rather the point!sandpiper wrote:but uncertain as to if I need to
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Sorry, sandpiper, I was being facetious. I don't actually introduce anyone, including the 'you', until the second verse, so I didn't feel it would be at all confusing.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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I'm still trying to get a handle on this; would it not be more fitting, with respect to the title, for us not to know what happened at the funeral?
I enjoyed very much all the same,
G
I enjoyed very much all the same,
I like particularly.The only waveform left
G
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Sandpiper, that will happen a lot round here.
Gpierre,thanks - I suppose the point is that once certain actions have taken place, there's no uncertainty left.
Gpierre,thanks - I suppose the point is that once certain actions have taken place, there's no uncertainty left.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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No the point is as soon as we observe what happened at the funeral we determine the resultgpierre wrote:I'm still trying to get a handle on this; would it not be more fitting, with respect to the title, for us not to know what happened at the funeral?
I enjoyed very much all the same,I like particularly.The only waveform left
G
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
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Hi Ros
I enjoyed the physical references scattered amongst the commentary. I think the ending is particularly clever. My main problem with the poem is its title.
Schroedinger (the new version of German, relieving the rest of the European countries with the awkwardness of the umlaut) was a very clever chap. He came up with a publicly-digestible version of the quantum paradox. However, the hypothetical cat was never actually visible. The conundrum was knowing whether or not it had died, but not being able to see it. In this poem, the hat is painfully obvious (to some). Similarly, the cat was contained, rather than a container (like the hat). These discrepancies trouble me.
I wondered if Heisenberg's Hat might be an alternative name for the poem. This references the uncertainty that was mentioned earlier in the thread. The uncertainty principle proposed that one might know the position or energy (velocity) of a very small particle, but not both. As the presence of the hat was so obvious, perhaps its energy, or the repercussions of its presence, might be immeasurable. To my mind, that fits the analogy better, even if the pun is more remote.
Sorry to pour water on the general hilarity
og
I enjoyed the physical references scattered amongst the commentary. I think the ending is particularly clever. My main problem with the poem is its title.
Schroedinger (the new version of German, relieving the rest of the European countries with the awkwardness of the umlaut) was a very clever chap. He came up with a publicly-digestible version of the quantum paradox. However, the hypothetical cat was never actually visible. The conundrum was knowing whether or not it had died, but not being able to see it. In this poem, the hat is painfully obvious (to some). Similarly, the cat was contained, rather than a container (like the hat). These discrepancies trouble me.
I wondered if Heisenberg's Hat might be an alternative name for the poem. This references the uncertainty that was mentioned earlier in the thread. The uncertainty principle proposed that one might know the position or energy (velocity) of a very small particle, but not both. As the presence of the hat was so obvious, perhaps its energy, or the repercussions of its presence, might be immeasurable. To my mind, that fits the analogy better, even if the pun is more remote.
Sorry to pour water on the general hilarity
og
I was just about to suggest Heisenberg's Hat too! How mad is that?
Mic
Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
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Og, Mic, thanks, good points. I thought Schrodinger because the moment the outcome is known, the waveform has collapsed - so as soon as she sees the behaviour, the outcome becomes fixed. But you're right, the hat and cat don't match very well. Do you think the idea of Heisenberg would still fit with the idea of a waveform collapsing to one outcome?
I can't believe I'm writing this in a poetry forum! But I'm pleased that I can.
I can't believe I'm writing this in a poetry forum! But I'm pleased that I can.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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