Blue for Rachel

[Amadeus]

Hi guys. A while ago i started experimenting with some Imagism poetry and actually posted one of them here

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=6279&p=44279#p44279

I put together a new one recently and am unsure of it to be honest, but I'll post it for your judgement.





Blue for Rachel

Away from the haze I forayed into
the unfamiliar hue of an older daze.
How did we get here?






Regards
Gaz

[ray miller]

What there is I like though there is too little for my liking. Would an older daze be unfamiliar?

[Amadeus]

Hi Ray. That was the line I was unsure of. I guess it depends on what the verse means to you really, as something older might not be recognisable. Sorry if that seems abstract although im trying to explain what i meant by not giving away the meaning of the poem.... lol

Regards
Gaz

[David]

You are an exotic visitor, Gaz. Nice to spot you again.

I like lines 1 and 2, but L3 seems a bit of a limp finish. Any help?

Cheers

David

[sandpiper]

Hi, I like the feeling of this but see a couple things.

In the title would this help? Blue (,) for Rachel

Away from the haze I forayed into
the unfamiliar hue of an older daze.
How did we get here?

The poem leaves questions that are never answered or even eluded to.
Where is "here" is the main one that I see.
haze/daze seem contrived to me anyway. How is a daze old?
How can a hue be recognized? I just see some illogical points in this
but I want to like it and I do for the title alone.

[stuartryder]

Hi Amadeus

I'm not getting why you say this is Imagist? It doesn't seem to fulfil the basic requirements to me, because it is deliberately unclear and doesn't seem to have an image.

Can you help with that? I feel at the moment it is just a very short poem, and my understanding of Imagism is not that.

Cheers

Stuart

Hi guys. A while ago i started experimenting with some Imagism poetry and actually posted one of them here

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=6279&p=44279#p44279

I put together a new one recently and am unsure of it to be honest, but I'll post it for your judgement.





Blue for Rachel

Away from the haze I forayed into
the unfamiliar hue of an older daze.
How did we get here?






Regards
Gaz

[Basnik]

Hi,

I really liked your first one which I hadn't had the pleasure of, but this one isn't Imagist for me and doesn't quite work as well imho for the above mentioned reasons.

Rich Basnik