Poetry Forum

You are a darker side
of pretty, as your
matted lashes tell
the story of the night
before, but your soul
I’ll never know.
And it seems
so strange the
way you change
like a lunar tune
but then again
I love your range
so here’s to the rocking
moon. Here’s to the tides
that ebb and flow
with your ever shifting
moods, here’s to the
crescent and here’s to
the full, here’s to the
limits here’s to the lull
and here’s to the
sun that tries to shine
as you slowly but
surely eclipse my mind.

Lovely jubbly!!

Maybe a full stop after 'range'?

Cam

stranger, (are you really, as a frquent poster ! )

at last more meat on the bone - lovely silvery lady she is .... and delectable too

my only concern is the repetition or anaphora ... "heres to the " its over statement ( 4 times ) perhaps stifles the dream like flow a little .... otherwise lovely silver dreams - endymion would be proud !

cheers
Arcadian

Liked it very very much my friend. superb

Very good, very easy to read x

great stuff stranger...the word-plays superb, very mystical and i love the pace, great post.

thanks to all for your encouraging comments, its great to see more people visiting, it's kicking off nicely, also look forward to seeing some more of your poems.

cheers
K

responding to critique:

blueknight; your positive words are undeniably ego soothing, and whats more I actually trust what you say, there's nothing worse than false praise.

Arcadian, yes I'm always a stranger, do you know what I like for breakfast?

thanks I enjoy your answers just for reference purposes alone, endymion, I now know who he is, it may come in use somewhere, maybe a pub quiz, which is great.

As for the repetition, I was inspired for the 10 minutes I wrote it by music, it has that flow with repetion required, in my opinion. LOL Arcadian I can't wait until we agree on something.

Cam, lovely Jubbly! not what I expected from you, LOL, a refreshing insight into your personality, and as for the full stop, very probably, or maybe after moon, and change the punctuation, but hey who cares, if it was a classic then maybe it would really matter!

how much does amateur poetry really matter?

Kris,

At any given time, there are reckoned to be only 2-3 poets in the UK (excluding performance poets) who make enough money from their work to support themselves. This means, then, that about 99% of all poets writing in the UK today could be described as 'amateur'. So, therefore I think amateur poetry does matter.

I also think that attention to detail in poetry is crucial. I believe that it was Yeats who said: "If it looks like you've worked hard at it; you haven't worked hard enough at it."

Keep it coming.

C

Hello Stranger ,

You make me laugh - spare me the details as to what you have for breakfast

Every poet has his own effective technique for being creative, - whether you quaff warm pints or listen to monotonous rhythms of rock ( i like rock too and many other types of music ) - thats your business ...we just want to see the text posted ..the poetry

When you post ..you are effectively asking for a opinion .. the .reader can provide you with one , can agree , or perhaps offer something you can take away ..otherwise why post in the first place ???


have another for me ...i like guiness stout - LOL

keep writing
Arcadian

Bump for the Stranger, which was me by the way.

How many of you are there now? There are still only two of me, as you know.

well there is only one of me and there will continue to be only one of me...

Hail to the genuine person. That odd comodity that has only one face to show and none to hide.

Then, there are those of us who have five different souls crammed into one head...

Take pity on the schizos, Caleb, and be ye not jaded by their wanderings.

i like the repetition

it makes it hymn or trance like
it slowly breaks into a rythm. The rhyme scheme becomes more and more strucutred as the pace of the poem sets in and then breaks into the 'here's to the...' sequence
sounds great spoken

THAT STRANGER

I enjoyed this one as well....a nice reflective flow throughout.

Here's my favourite lines extracted

"...as your
matted lashes tell
the story of the night
before, but your soul
I'll never know.
And it seems
so strange the
way you change
like a lunar tune
but then again
I love your range. ....does need a full stop there

then...

"....and here's to
the full, here's to the
limits here's to the lull
and here's to the
sun that tries to shine
as you slowly but
surely eclipse my mind."

If you're putting a manuscript together, I'd definitely include this one.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

...and the Red Death held sway over all...