Poetry Forum

THE WALLS OF TROY

I saw the walls of Troy again today
on my circuit of country roads.
The breach has grown; a wider span of sky,
whatever roof there was, long gone.
More stones have fallen from the hingeless frame
into the growing rubble pile –
a useless rampart at the ungated gap.
Each stone adds weight to my sadness
for this decaying, isolated barn -
my ruinous topless tower of Ilium.

There must have been a day, so I imagine,
when some proud Priam in my stead
surveyed those walls, glorying in fulfilment,
seeing his word proclaimed in stone,
lording himself over the countryside.

No Achilles, no Agamemnon
came with hordes to war about the walls.
If horse set hoof within the gates
its honest mission would deliver grain,
no subterfuge of swallowed men.
But here the crumbling citadel slowly
succumbs; the one enemy, Time,
adding its trophies piece by broken piece
to the charnel house of fallen empires.

Wow Leslie !

what a wonderful poem - i almost choked and held back a tear here!
I was deeply moved - thank you for posting

this reminded me very much of a poem by Cavafy - "Trojans"


I post here for interest:

Trojans

Our efforts are those of men prone to disaster;
our efforts are like those of the Trojans.
We just begin to get somewhere,
begin to gather a little strength,
grow almost bold and hopeful,

when something always comes up to stop us:
Achilles leaps out of the trench in front of us
and terrifies us with his violent shouting.

Our efforts are like those of the Trojans.
We think we'll change our luck
by being resolute and daring,
so we move outside ready to fight.

But when the big crisis comes,
our boldness and resolution vanish;
our spirit falters, paralyzed,
and we scurry around the walls
trying to save ourselves by running away.

Yet we're sure to fail. Up there,
high on the walls, the dirge has already begun.
They're mourning the memory, the aura of our days.
Priam and Hecuba mourn for us bitterly.


thank you once again

Arco

Nice one Les.

Don't think you need the last line though.

Cam

Thanks for comments. Points noted.
Arco, I'm grateful to Cavafy for getting you going on poetry, but that poem of his is mighty depressing, he seems to think that it's not worth trying anything in this life. In that case there'd be nothing to look back on, nothing achieved. 'Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'.
Cameron; taking a break and then rereading is often revelatory and leads me to agree with you that the poem is improved without the last line. This slightly changes the original purpose, but for the better.
Leslie.

Leslie, a very strong, clear opening leads the reader in! I am not generally a big fan of poems including the gods, etc, but in this case it fits-

look forward to more of your work--

Jennifer

"no subterfuge of swallowed men.
But here the crumbling citadel slowly
succumbs; the one enemy, Time, "

I do like these three lines, they are stellar; the word "slowly" bothers me where it is, "slowly succumbs" sounds a little tired, not up to the grand scheme.

Hi Twelveo - the slow process is what I want to portray.

What do any readers feel about a slight alteration in the order:

'But here the crumbling citadel succumbs
slowly to the one enemy, Time' ?

Leslie.

Leslie,

Really enjoyed this poem, I like the idea of reinterpreting Troy for the modern/postmodern/postpostmodern/whatever world. Despite crumbling walls, the poem's preoccupation with the city shows that the idea of Troy and what 'happened' there will never decay.

This poem is very similar in theme to a Cecil Day-Lewis poem I once read but can't remember the name of. Can't find it anywhere on the net, but it really does link well with this piece. Closes with

'Hero, you're safe, in the purlieus
Of God's infernal acre king and thrall'.

Cam?

pb

Leslie wrote:Hi Twelveo - the slow process is what I want to portray.

What do any readers feel about a slight alteration in the order:

'But here the crumbling citadel succumbs
slowly to the one enemy, Time' ?

Leslie.

Leslie, I realize.

What do you think of this:

But here, slowly, the crumbling citadel
succumbs...

my thought behind this is two fold: separating slowly from succumbs, which does sound a little stock, and the introduction of commas will slow it down. I don't know if you find the sentence acceptable, but I do like the sound of "crumbling citadel" close to "succumbs".
I think these three lines have a certain power that stands out. "slowly" where it was, I feel, takes it back down to the ordinary. It is a weak word. Always better to bury the weak words. (or find a better one)
Always nice to have those lines that stand out - these do.

Just my thoughts, hope you don't mind.

'Each stone adds weight to my sadness"
eh, I heard better, but this line is buried; now these two are very nice:
"for this decaying, isolated barn -
my ruinous topless tower of Ilium. "
and they are in a more important postion.

if "Each stone adds weight to my sadness" was at the end, would be bad now, wouldn't it?

i loved this, it reminded me of a poem in anglo-saxon called "the ruin". there is a reasonable translation at

http://www.ccc.nottingham.ac.uk/~aczsjm/wap/angsp.html

on the whole "slowly" problem, perhaps you might try an adverb which describes the process of crumbling and ruin in a more personal way, making the connection to human life stronger, something like "wearily" or "grudgingly"? or perhaps you could try something that describes the process of ruin itself, like "sighing/Succumbs"?

I am crumbling. 'Slowly' is, admittedly, a rather ineffectual word. The easy, even lazy choice, perhaps.
I shall rack my brain (admittedly crumbling) for something more pertinent.
Thanks all. Leslie.

Leslie wrote:I am crumbling. 'Slowly' is, admittedly, a rather ineffectual word. The easy, even lazy choice, perhaps.
I shall rack my brain (admittedly crumbling) for something more pertinent.
Thanks all. Leslie.

Leslie,
I applaud you.

Leslie,

What do any readers feel about a slight alteration in the order:

'But here the crumbling citadel succumbs
slowly to the one enemy, Time' ?

The whole Time approach never quite rings true to me. Time seems a slight copout, too abstract.

If anything it's the weather, the effects of chemical reactions, that affect the crumbling, maybe a little too picky, just a bug in a fine poem.

"Two fortresses stand as they’ve always stood, in defiance
Hulking, rusting, tempting me always
The weather is their enemy now."

A similar few lines from a poem I wrote, although it could be said "The weather" is too abstract, where does one stop?

Yes indeed, where does one stop? In truth, so many things contibute to decay and, truth to tell, the main agent in the case of 'my barn' (which I regularly pass on my cycling circuit) is neglect.
What bothers me is the thought that each time I pass it I too am another circuit older!! Lelsie.

i don't think you should be too afraid of using "abstract" words - so long as the poem doesn't turn into a philosophical treatise it's fine. i think for poetry to have universal appeal and merit it should deal with the abstract,though you needn't do so too explicitly.

dillingworth wrote:i loved this, it reminded me of a poem in anglo-saxon called "the ruin". there is a reasonable translation at

http://www.ccc.nottingham.ac.uk/~aczsjm/wap/angsp.html

on the whole "slowly" problem, perhaps you might try an adverb which describes the process of crumbling and ruin in a more personal way, making the connection to human life stronger, something like "wearily" or "grudgingly"? or perhaps you could try something that describes the process of ruin itself, like "sighing/Succumbs"?

grudgingly succumbs
to the worms of time
aghast I love the sound, sounding all wiggly and crumbly and cantankerous

LESLIE

Very Dylan Thomas for me....very impressive indeed

stand out lines for me?

"Each stone adds weight to my sadness"


"came with hordes to war about the walls."

......no subterfuge of swallowed men."
But here the crumbling citadel slowly
succumbs; the one enemy Time,
adding its trophies piece by broken piece
to the charnel house of fallen empires"

one point....is the last line really required? 'fallen empires' is such a strong finish

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

Hi Sean, I have now deleted that last line - as had earlier been suggested but I hadn't got around to it. Leslie.