Iffy Logic

[brianedwards]

Iffy Logic

If, having failed to comprehend this role
in which I woke as naked as an onion,
peeled and rolled along a chopping board
toward a destiny of soup or salad,
with the scrape of steel carving out a ballad
accompanied by thunder in the curtains,
I then proclaimed my prejudice as certain,
well, probably best to close your ears my son.

Or if I dared the posture of discernment,
spat anecdotes evoking Kings or knaves,
slopped about your feet the mud of government
and bid you tread with ethereal grace;
or if attempts to punch into submission
all scepticism, doubt and wrinkled brows
resulted in a spit-spray mad oration
bound to bring a plague down on our house,

then wrote it out in lines and rigid meter
dictated it in feet with perfect rhymes,
or tried to hide my hopelessness with humour,
metaphor, abstraction, paradigms,
or spoke at lengths that border on the epic
of wars in lands in times I never knew,
or claimed the vaunted stature of a heretic
despite never having dared incite a coup

de grace, instead preferring pacifism,
that trusty pale-faced steed of cowardice.
If, lacking both the stomach and the vision
to plant a single fruit of revolution
in this cabbage patch I call my heart,
I then encouraged you to stand apart
from other men, to satisfy my conscience,
well, I would be undeserving of you, my son.










~

[Ros]

Ah yes, this is a good one.

Not sure I can work out what this is a metaphor for:

peeled and rolled along a chopping board
toward a destiny of soup or salad,

perhaps stretching it too far? but I like the overall conceit.

Like the last verse particularly.

Ros


How naked is an onion? Discuss.

[twoleftfeet]

Nicely, kipled (kippled?) , Brian.

S1 brought me out in a cold sweat - Rudyard spoke of losing his head, but your chopping board sounds more gruesome.
Maybe you could be making a cake instead of a salad? He does make exceedingly good cakes, after all

I particularly liked
a spit-spray mad oration
- even though it brought back memories of Roy Hattersley and his Spitting Image puppet.
(There'll be plenty of the same in the coming weeks).

Enjoyed
Geoff

[hank]

"I then encouraged you to stand apart
from other men, to satisfy my conscience,
well, I would be undeserving of you, my son."

A letter to a son, a poem, seems impossible. Congratulations for the effort. For him, I wish you would express stronger gleamings of your own nobility. 'Pacifism,' in my perception deserves ennobling.

j










~[/quote]

[brianedwards]

"I then encouraged you to stand apart
from other men, to satisfy my conscience,
well, I would be undeserving of you, my son."

A letter to a son, a poem, seems impossible. Congratulations for the effort. For him, I wish you would express stronger gleamings of your own nobility. 'Pacifism,' in my perception deserves ennobling.

j










~

Many Hanks Hank.

B.

~

[brianedwards]

Geoff, Rosemary,
Apologies for not responding earlier. Many thanks for your comments and glad you both enjoyed. Regards onions, well, maybe it's me, but I always imagine them as naked, have done since I was a kid . . . the idea is supposed to be alluding to fatherhood . . . ?

B.

~

[Sharra]

hehehe this really made me chuckle! Only have time for a quick read so will have to come back to it, but thanks for brightening my morning before work.
I loved the line 'naked as an onion' btw

Sharra
x

[Ros]

Yes, the fatherhood theme is coming over loud and clear. Just that an onion is not, really, any more naked than a potato...

[brianedwards]

Yes, the fatherhood theme is coming over loud and clear. Just that an onion is not, really, any more naked than a potato...

How about

If, having failed to comprehend this role
in which I woke as naked as an onion, or a potato, or perhaps any other veg

better?

[Ros]

Now you're confusing me. How about 'as naked as someone with no clothes on.' Tell it how it is.

[twoleftfeet]

Yes, the fatherhood theme is coming over loud and clear. Just that an onion is not, really, any more naked than a potato...

NO! NO! NO! This is not helping at all!

[Sharra]

No no, an onion is naked when it's been peeled - its dry skin is like its clothing, leaving the rawness underneath when removed. A potato is just, hmm, well there's not the same contrast between the layers, an unpeeled potato feels self contained, not naked, a peeled one has actually been cut into...
Have I thought about this too much?
Sharra

[brianedwards]

No no, an onion is naked when it's been peeled - its dry skin is like its clothing, leaving the rawness underneath when removed. A potato is just, hmm, well there's not the same contrast between the layers, an unpeeled potato feels self contained, not naked, a peeled one has actually been cut into...
Have I thought about this too much?
Sharra

Nope. We are definitely on the same page. Something about the moisture makes a peeled onion really speak raw ---- that's what I wanted to pick at . . .

Thanks Nicki.

B.

~

[brianedwards]

You can eat a potato with the skin on . . .anyone ever done the same with an onion?


Meanwhile, back at the poetry forum . . .

[stuartryder]

b. the onion is so duffel i gave up, sorry. also made no sense to me in food prep terms.

Iffy Logic

If, having failed to comprehend this role
in which I woke as naked as an onion,
peeled and rolled along a chopping board
toward a destiny of soup or salad,
with the scrape of steel carving out a ballad
accompanied by thunder in the curtains,
I then proclaimed my prejudice as certain,
well, probably best to close your ears my son.

Or if I dared the posture of discernment,
spat anecdotes evoking Kings or knaves,
slopped about your feet the mud of government
and bid you tread with ethereal grace;
or if attempts to punch into submission
all scepticism, doubt and wrinkled brows
resulted in a spit-spray mad oration
bound to bring a plague down on our house,

then wrote it out in lines and rigid meter
dictated it in feet with perfect rhymes,
or tried to hide my hopelessness with humour,
metaphor, abstraction, paradigms,
or spoke at lengths that border on the epic
of wars in lands in times I never knew,
or claimed the vaunted stature of a heretic
despite never having dared incite a coup

de grace, instead preferring pacifism,
that trusty pale-faced steed of cowardice.
If, lacking both the stomach and the vision
to plant a single fruit of revolution
in this cabbage patch I call my heart,
I then encouraged you to stand apart
from other men, to satisfy my conscience,
well, I would be undeserving of you, my son.










~

[Arian]

Good stuff, Brian. I particualrly enjoyed the irony of the tight meter and strong rhyme of s3, and the occasional glimpse of your trademark invention in lines such as:

trusty pale-faced steed of cowardice

I confess the extended food metaphor in S1 had me a bit puzzled, but I think I've got it now. Hard day. Brain frazzled.

cheers
peter

[brianedwards]

b. the onion is so duffel i gave up, sorry. also made no sense to me in food prep terms.

duffel? As in the coat?
food prep terms? LMAO --- good one Fanny!
Oh well, can't win 'em all. I've spent longer on turds than I did on this poem, so no big deal. I just like to remind myself once in a while how much of a twat Kipling was.
A wee bit disappointed that you would give up so soon though. . .

B.

~