The love song of Howard P Lovecraft

[bodkin]

The love song of Howard P Lovecraft

I am the bad-times without time singing
an outside outside a place that is placeless
and faceless waiting you cannot placate
my hunger for your brimming bowl

Here I stand in no doorway
yet to be opened
my idle daydream of wringing
life from your body
from your oceans
from your sky
the ungentlest caress with which to bless
your shiny cosm of the real

I am the bad song the evil external
the tentacles eternal revolving
in their own black juices

I am the occult uses
to which a Universe might be put
the love which cuts and takes you
erodes mind and Nature
stakes you naked beneath the relentless stars

Ours is the love of absence for something
I toiling always to reach

you who teach yourself not to know
remain the lover who rarely glances
in a mirror darkly and recoils

and I am coming
I am coming
I am coming to you
to a future you do not know
some time untimely far ahead
some time already ancient
and cold

[ray miller]

Howard, you should try counselling to improve your self esteem. You're probably not as bad as you think.

cosm? Ours is the love of absence for something I toiling always to reach?

I am the occult uses
to which a Universe might be put
the love which cuts and takes you
erodes mind and Nature
stakes you naked beneath the relentless stars

I like that verse though I think you could omit the 4th line

Laying it on a bit thick, I suppose I'd say of the rest, though I guess that's the point.

[brianedwards]

With as much respect as is due, this reads like the work of a novice. Very disappointing.

B.

~

[rushme]

like the feel & what the poem is doing - the places it's going

perhaps with a slight re-arrangement of words....placeless & faceless doesn't seem to work

some suggestions:

I am the bad-times without a song
a place outside -
faceless.
Your brimming bowl will not
placate my hunger.

I stand in no doorway
for you to open.
My idle daydream
is wringing life
from your body
your oceans
your sky.

I am the evil external
my tentacles eternal
revolving in black
juices.

I am of occult uses
the love that cuts
and erodes your mind
nature that stakes you naked
beneath the relentless stars.

Ours is the love that rarely
glances in the mirror
darkly recoils.

I am coming
I am coming
I am coming
to you,

to a future unkown,
untimely, ancient
and cold.

this is what your poem does for me - devlish & dark (nice change - too much talk of god can be boring)

sorry for playing around with your poem - once i got started - couldn't stop.

hope it helps.

your lines do sound awkward - if you read this loudly:

Ours is the love of absence for something
I toiling always to reach

you who teach yourself not to know
remain the lover who rarely glances
in a mirror darkly and recoils

sounds a wee bit convoluted as some of the other lines.

[Crustyman]

A riposte from HPL
Now close attend my lay, ye scribbling crew
That bay the moon in numbers strange and new;
That madly for the spark celestial bawl
In metres short or long, or none at all:
Curb your rash force, in numbers or at tea,
Nor overzealous for high fancies be;
Reflect, ere ye the draught Pierian take,
What worthy clerks or plumbers ye might make;

Nothing personal, mind; but don't you think that if you are going to indulge in criticism/satire/parody of someone as idiosyncratic as Lovecraft, you should use a more structured form ?

[David]

A high concept poem. Great. I like them. Unfortunately, I don't think I know enough about the man to get much out of this at present.

I've just seen a picture of him. Strange looking bloke. Looks like the Norn (Narn?) that appears at the end of the Star Trek credits. (Could there be a geekier allusion?)

Cheers

David

[bodkin]

Hi all,

Ray -- "cosm" an ordinary word, like a large microcosm...

There's some implicit punctuation in this which might disentangle the bit you question:

"Ours is the love of absence for something: I, toiling always to reach, ..."

It is laid on thick, I suppose, but that's the nature of the subject material I'm afraid.


Brian -- thanks for reading.


Rushme -- interesting to see your take. Particularly interesting that you went for direct repeats at the end there. I started rather like that but then tried to turn it into more of a progression into the next few (also repetitive) lines.


Crustyman -- is this criticism/satire/parody? I never intended it to be... I couldn't really comment on the appropriateness of structure or not... I certainly wasn't trying to ape his verse. In fact I'm not 100% I've ever really read any.


David -- I'm not 100% what "high concept" means... Wikipedia says its something expressed verbosely which does in fact hang on a simple premise. So I suppose if my premise was "ancient evil is bad" then I guess you're perfectly right.

It's not really about the man (although I did read up his biography (wikipedia again) a bit while I was writing it. It's more about his work and its underlying themes. You either know him or you don't. I kinda assumed everybody did because his is almost impossibly influential. E.g. several of his inventions, like the necronomicon, have passed so deeply into popular folklore that they are assumed to be references to something real... Although obviously the people assuming that usually also assume they have been exaggerated for dramatic reasons.

I almost called it "The love song of the ancient old ones", would that have worked better?

-------------

I'm getting the impression that nobody gets this and I'm wasting my time...

But thanks for trying.

I was trying to explore a viewpoint based on the HPL mythos. His overriding themes of ancient implacable evil, forces greater than the protagonists, truths too terrible for the sane mind to comprehend, etc etc...

Trying to write from (a little way) inside the mind of one of his ancient entities...

using odd phrasing and a lack of punctuation to try and illustrate an communication from an inhuman source

without going so far over the top as to spout something incomprehensible

e.g. trying to maintain some sort of subtlety, even in the midst of subject matter which has to be "laid on a bit thick".

Like I said, I might be wasting my time.

Perhaps I'll see if I can find some Goths to show it to.

Ian

[ray miller]

I know next to nothing about Lovecraft. I'm able to have some understanding/ appreciation of what you're trying to do because of my acquaintance with your previous work. Maybe that's the problem with the poem? Implicit punctuation is a phrase I've not come across either. I'm sure it will come in handy sooner or later.

[twoleftfeet]

Ian,

I am a sucker for surreal lines like
Here I stand in no doorway
yet to be opened

- and certainly some of your phrases beginning with "I" have that "Song Of Amergin" quality about them.

However, I think the poem is relying too much on the title and on the reader knowing something about the man's ideas.
If you take that away, then ,for me, the poem is far too nebulous except perhaps for the promise/threat at the end,
and even this does not carry enough menace.
If I hear a phrase like "The Old Ones" (which I've just got from Wiki) I'm more inclined to think of Scientology or bad Progrock/Metal lyrics than horror writing.
I've no idea what the Necromonicon is (other than it's a grimoire which is a great word!) but if, for example, you wrote
about that you would get more focus.
Or, if magic and evil is what you want to explore, try Crowley or Dr John Dee - they will be more worthy of your talents.

Just my opinion
Geoff

[Ros]

Hmm I think the problem may be that to the uninitiated - apparently most of your readers! phrases like

and I am coming
I am coming
I am coming to you
to a future you do not know

are just too non-specific. I think it's a good thing to pursue but perhaps you need somethink more concrete.

[David]

I have mislaid my Eliot, so I can't look at this from that point of view either. What am I missing? Apart from my Eliot, of course.

[bodkin]

David,

You're not missing Eliot, the only thing I took there is the title...

and I only started there because this began as an exercise "Write a poem: 'The love song of...' " on another forum...

I guess the main thing you might be missing is experience of HP Lovecraft fiction, although it is hard to imagine you are totally lacking that because everything and its dog have been coloured by his influence. e.g. when Geoff talked about resembling horror stories or prog rock, there is a reason why HPL reminds you of those, it's because they are borrowing from him...

Try the wikipedia article on him, skip the bits about his life and go straight to the section on his themes.

Ian

[bodkin]

Ros,

I see what you say but I don't see how I can possibly do it without writing a completely different poem. e.g. I would have to move from "essence of mythos of HPL" to "explanation of mythos of HPL" or even "imitation of..." Which isn't what I wanted at all, and would probably have to be seriously verbose?

Ian

[bodkin]

Thanks Geoff,

these are possibilities, but I wanted to do Lovecraft...

Dee!? If nobody knows HPL (1890 - 1937), what chance have I got with an Elizabethan?

Ian

[twoleftfeet]

Thanks Geoff,

these are possibilities, but I wanted to do Lovecraft...

Dee!? If nobody knows HPL (1890 - 1937), what chance have I got with an Elizabethan?

Ian

I take your point, Ian, but aside from Dee's story, there is astrology, alchemy, and above all "scrying" which I find fascinating.
I believe Dee used a mirror, but it might have been a crystal ball. Either way there is a wealth of possibilitites, whether
you go for the sinister side of it, attack it from the modern scientific standpoint, or go with humour.

Obvously Aleister ("Do what thou wilt") Crowley would be a better-known choice.

Geoff

[David]

The influence of H P Lovecraft on the lyrics of heavy metal songs sounds like a brilliant title for a PhD thesis.

However, I know a lot more about Dr. Dee. Interesting stuff. The School of Night and all that. Great supporting characters. Walter Raleigh, Christopher Marlowe ...

[twoleftfeet]

The influence of H P Lovecraft on the lyrics of heavy metal songs sounds like a brilliant title for a PhD thesis.

Now that's what I call HORROR!
I can hear the Campaign for Plain English people screaming already!
Jon Anderson could fill a thesis on his own - utter utter gobbledygook.

However, I know a lot more about Dr. Dee. Interesting stuff. The School of Night and all that. Great supporting characters. Walter Raleigh, Christopher Marlowe ...

Isn't he rumoured to have been a Secret Agent for Liz1, (as was Marlowe)?

Any recommendations, David?

Edward Kelly, Dee's accomplice (or dupe, as the case may be), sounds just as interesting if a little sinister.

I've just been G00gling - Dee's mirror (speculum) is made from obsidian and originated in Mexico!
http://www.britishmuseum.org/explore/hi ... irror.aspx

[David]

Any recommendations, David?

Sorry Geoff, missed this. Recommendations for what, exactly?

(See they let the wee feller go today. Shame, but possibly right.)