I wrote you letters all day in my mind.
First as I sanded the weather off of the red wagon
then sealed the wood waterproof.
I wrote another while I pulled
heavy towels from the washer
and shoved them into the dryer.
But they are always too serious to send.
My coating is still peeled
and all that falls soaks deep.
Unlike my mind, my fingers
cannot move freely
under the weight of possibility.
Besides letters never convey that pause,
the hesitation between wet and dry cotton,
between gold and silver rings.
Unwritten
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jkvanburen
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2005 2:15 am
- Location: Baltimore, Maryland
- Contact:
Very much like the opening line, it catches the attention, and the imagination, right away. Haven't we all done that?
The red wagon - any ref. to 'The Red Wheelbarrow' intended?
The parallel of domestic function and the churning mind is expertly created. 'My coating is peeled . . .' links back to the vulnerability of the red wagon.
Especially like the next verse comparing condition of mind and fingers, original images there.
'Letters never convey that pause', good insight and an intriguing comparison 'the hesitation between wet and dry cotton' that really is original thinking.
Gold rings and silver rings? The chores suggest a married person, so maybe wedding ring and eternity ring. But why would married folk be writing to each other? Doesn't sound too good! So maybe engagement ring and wedding ring. You'll have to tell me.
It leaves a question for the reader, one that we probably don't want answered, because there's so much of a story here in this short episode, it's more exciting to leave the package wrapped. Good one. Leslie.
The red wagon - any ref. to 'The Red Wheelbarrow' intended?
The parallel of domestic function and the churning mind is expertly created. 'My coating is peeled . . .' links back to the vulnerability of the red wagon.
Especially like the next verse comparing condition of mind and fingers, original images there.
'Letters never convey that pause', good insight and an intriguing comparison 'the hesitation between wet and dry cotton' that really is original thinking.
Gold rings and silver rings? The chores suggest a married person, so maybe wedding ring and eternity ring. But why would married folk be writing to each other? Doesn't sound too good! So maybe engagement ring and wedding ring. You'll have to tell me.
It leaves a question for the reader, one that we probably don't want answered, because there's so much of a story here in this short episode, it's more exciting to leave the package wrapped. Good one. Leslie.
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dillingworth
- Prolific Poster
- Posts: 455
- Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2005 2:53 pm
- Location: Oxford, UK
Very nice. I like the simple, bare images and the way you don't overstate the conceit you've come up with.
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twelveoone
- Productive Poster
- Posts: 85
- Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:44 pm
"and all that falls soaks deep."
you know, I love these lines you come up with.
yes msJVB I want to know about that silver ring.
You tied this one all together, I question the last line, because it asks too many questions, one can make many assumptions about the gold ring, but
both seems to be just a little too much.
you know, I love these lines you come up with.
yes msJVB I want to know about that silver ring.
You tied this one all together, I question the last line, because it asks too many questions, one can make many assumptions about the gold ring, but
both seems to be just a little too much.
