Poetry Forum

The moon kicked around on earth,
either side, guardians guard the temple post,
against all odds, with multiple arms like an Indian God,
against the onslaught of so many feet.

Shot like a cannon, the moon enters
the hallowed space, guards fall, the temple
explodes to the agony & ecstasy, the drone
of the devotees like countless bees.

Celestial football. Nice idea.

Michaela

I like the idea behind this one too - punctuation suggestions x and (deletes) to ignore or impose as always

The moon - kicked around on earth,
(on) either side guardians guard the temple post,
against all odd, with multiple arms like an Indian God, - perhaps name the relevant god (lower cap)they have many
against the onslaught of so many feet.

Shot like a canon the moon enters
the hallowed space; guards fall, the temple
explodes to the agony & ecstasy;
the hum and drone of the devotees
like countless buzzing bees.

rushme wrote:The moon kicked around on earth,
on either side, guardians guard the temple post,
against all odd, with multiple arms like an Indian God,
against the onslaught of so many feet.

Shot like a canon, the moon enters
the hallowed space, guards fall, the temple
explodes to the agony & ecstasy, to the hum and drone
of the devotees like countless buzzing bees.

Line 3 odd should be odds?
Line 5 canon should be cannon?

Mixing religion with football again . . . it's an interesting theme. "agony & ecstasy" was a bump. "hum" "drone" and "buzzing" are all implied by bees, so a bit of overkill there.

I wish England had that Indian God in goal . . .

B.

~

thanks all for reading & the comments.

clara - great editing & puctuation suggestions - thanks!

thanks brian - cannon it is! odd or odds - i thought could be either

reference to indian god - multiple arms - just to signify that only four hands against so many feet have to work magic

how many feet? i mean how many players on each side?

rushme wrote:
thanks brian - cannon it is! odd or odds - i thought could be either

How so? Sounds incorrect to me . . . .

Fun idea, I agree. And I like the idea of a many armed man at goal. It is sort of exciting.
I think it needs to be odds as well.

all odd i thought was both singular & plural! thanks for all the suggestions brian - have revised. well england won the match - congrats all! so perhaps your wish is answered! poor italy!

thanks paisely!

against all odds, with multiple arms like Indian gods?
I think that the corridor of uncertainty should be in there somewhere.

thanks for the suggestion ray

there's a very famous demon in indian mythology called Ravan with 10 heads! imagine the goals he could save! multiple arms like the gods & 10 heads like the demon - i'm wondering how to incorporate that!