Towing

[Sharra]

The weight of the water drags
us back. We’re fighting the tide
with harnesses that cut into bodies,
scour grit into skin, and we are tiny –
a stream of hunchbacked men
against the vastness of the river. We trickle
over the collapsed river bank, past houses
hidden by rubble. We pull the wealth
of the river away from here.
And the owner watches our struggle
places his soft hands on the rope
as if his touch could turn the tide.

[Basnik]

HI,

This is beautiful, love the sounds and the phrasing and the line breaks and the visuals. I just don't quite understand it though! If it's based on something specific, I can't quite get the context. If it's metaphorical then I understand it to be about a process, about a struggle against the inevitable: time, fate, global flooding, something. I am a bit confused about the dynamics of the verb 'fighting' and then 'trickle' and trying to reconcile them. Who is the owner? God-like figure, nature?

Help me out here, Nicky. The problem with allegories is that your reader may be too stupid to understand the full significance!

Regards

Rich Basnik

[twoleftfeet]

I'm having similar problems to Rich.

The wealth of the river has me stumped, tbh.

[Ros]

a stream of hunchbacked men is an excellent phrase. I think I'd put the commas in to the last 3 lines. Must admit I'm not sure what it's about - pulling sandbags against a flood? towing a boat on a silted up river? But who is the owner? I like it a lot, though - one of the best of your recent poems, I think.

Ros

[Sharra]

I'm glad you like it even if it's not clear what it's about
It came from a photo of men towing barges up a river, looks like its in a developing country, everything was a bit tumbledown. And I tried to get a bit political with the way the western world exploits developing countries, but also wanted the feeling of battling against something outside of our control, a hopeless situation, but we keep on trying anyway.

And that's now a cue to say that no-one got that, and it's now a crap poem haha

Is using 'tide' twice a problem do you think?
Nicky
x

[twoleftfeet]

Is using 'tide' twice a problem do you think?

Go with the flow

[Sharra]

[Denis Joe]

against the vastness of the river. We trickle
over the collapsed river bank, past houses
hidden by rubble. We pull the wealth
of the river away from here.

Many rivers to cross Sharra. This is a lovely crafted poem except for the overuse (in my opinion) of river in such a short poem. The river usually suggests forward movement but its repetition in this short piece makes it seem like the needle is stuck (If you're old enough to remember pre-CD days).

[brianedwards]

The owner reads to me like a God-like figure, a creator. Adds quite a bit of weight to those end lines, for me.
Good write.

B.

[bodkin]

I got that it was towing barges, but thought it might be horses rather than men.

I also like the "hunchbacked men", I wondered if you were trying to compare each horse to two men, which would have been clever, if there were any horses

Ian