Poetry Forum

I hold an affliction
with so-called rehabilitation
it is not worth their freedom
to place them in restriction
for the sake of education
No room to fly free
Held there in captivity
in a prison of Zoology
for the sake of Bio-diversity
I hold an affliction
with appreciating interaction
in this cheap imitation
and false simulated attraction
messing with evolution
for the sake of conservation.
Under whos athourity
can we steal their naturality
in return for a life so empty
when deserving one of equality
for the sake of your facility

copyright (c) monique anderson Sep2 05


No longer Raw and Real
but stuffed and filled
behind rope and bars and metal and glass
pacing in a concrete box
with domineering 'superstars'
prominent and pretentious
invading their space
always in thier face
flashing, tapping, shouting, staring
Welcome to an entire gift shop of public entertainment!
watch the toys unmoving
pretty all lined up in a row
for the show
Beware
rescuers and saviours
with knowledge that you hold overhead
understand their beauty is parallel
we are connected
we are the same
we only hold another name...


copyright (c) monique anderson Sep2 05

Ah...

Another copyrighter.

Welcome. The second here is better than the first, it does not sound quite as forced and it's language is better. Good images in both. I should be glad to see more of your work.

Cheers,

Bombadil

Hi Bombadil, thanks for your comments. Well I might thave to dissagree with you on the forced bit in my opinion, its meant to be said or read fast and with some anger! =) Well to me its quite free, but of course your more than welcome to have your view.
thanks alot. Best wishes - mj

fine and dandy...

but,

if you have to defend it, sometimes it's better to amend it.

ha right.

again-thats your opinion.But I absolutely do not mind constructive crit so is cool.

Welcome.

Since you said it was designed that way, I read the first poem aloud. I tried to read it fast, but I confess I tripped up on several of the words my first couple of times through - namely all the "tions." I'd work on making the language simpler so that people's heads won't spin. By the way - a typo easily remedied- "whos athourity" = "whose authority"

I did like the parellels you drew between the entertainment industry and zoos in the second, and I agreed very much with the sentiments of the first. Good stuff, hope to see more.

- Caleb

Thanks Caleb for your comments. It great to get positive feedback and constructive views , gives me something to think about. best wishes mj.