Trick

[brianedwards]

Trick

Look how she turns
the apple in her hand
knowing there will be no inquisition.

Look how her cheek reflects
the bluebells.




~

[brianedwards]

Thanks Rob. I wouldn't bother reading too deeply here my friend, it just is what it is . . .

B.

[benjamin]

I quite like this. I'm not sure "knowing there will be no inquisition" is strong enough though.

[brianedwards]

Thanks Benjamin. I was considering "unafraid of consequence" instead, but today I'm wondering if that line is needed at all . . .

[coffeedodger]

More drivel.

[brianedwards]

Thanks.

[Elphin]

Coffeedodger

This is not the standard of crit expected on the Experienced Board.

elph

[delph_ambi]

I read the first line and see her turning, then read the second and realise its the apple that's turning, so I'm wrong-footed and annoyed, but I read on anyway. All is forgiven if you remove the 'knowing there will be no inquisition' line. I'm not quite sure why that improves the poem so much, but it does.

[Meesha]

knowing there will be no inquisition.

If it's an original sin, the above line is way off and telly. Hence the piece is better off without it.

Tis a very lazy line from you btw.Trick to me infers prostitute.
The rest is clever.

M

[BenJohnson]

knowing there will be no inquisition.

If it's an original sin, the above line is way off and telly. Hence the piece is better off without it.

Tis a very lazy line from you btw.Trick to me infers prostitute.
The rest is clever.

M

I sometimes think I am far too innocent, I was reading trick as dictionary definition number one and no prostitutes arose in my reading. Rather I was reading this more as a description of a certain innocence, now confused.

[brianedwards]

This has nothing to do with prostitutes Ben, the comment reveals more about Jasper than it does my poem.

Cathy, the heart of the poem lies in that line break for me . . . I guess I can take your annoyance (a peculiar emotion to evoke with a poem!) as a sideways compliment!

Appreciate all the input, thanks.

B.

[Meesha]

You should lift your arms length (hand) a little then, B. About three feet upward



Look how she turns
the apple in her eye.

Look how her cheek reflects
the bluebells
knowing there will be no inquisition.

M