Poetry Forum

O little town of Bethlehem,
Blown up and broken down,
Now torn apart by Us And Them,
A dark down-trodden town.

Yet in the dark streets shineth
No everlasting light:
The blood and tears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight.

How silently, how silently
The dying children lie;
See on the street a small one greet
The asphalt with a sigh.

This holy child of Bethlehem
Is waiting for the knell.
Cast out their fears
And dry their tears:
Be their Emmanuel.

I don't like the use of a christmas carol here although I think the subject matter is well chosen and that you show a great deal of passion for it.

The use of the carol does give a sense of innocence being crushed, but this surely could be achieved within a structure of your own creation and to greater effect too. I'd like to see your passion for this subject let go totally. Be angry, be furious, but above all be original. This is a tad corny (if I can get away with using such an undescriptive word here), for my tastes.

Hope this criticism is useful.

Seeks.

Dill,

I like the idea here, I just can't get behind the result. I think perhaps it would have been better if you abandoned the carol theme after the first stanza. This kind of sarcasm is best done in moderation. Reference the last two lines from Wilfred Owen's Dulce et decorum est:

"The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori."

Borrowed from Horace: "It is sweet and honourable to die for one's country."

Much more effective methinks.

Fodder for thought.

Cheers,

Keith

subject matter not approbo for a total rip
agree with the two Brits