Poetry Forum

The street lamp
looks downcast like
a head-less stale lager
with no soul tonight

I love this description, it really gives atmosphere to the poem.

My only real issue here is with the words 'asphalt pavement', which trip over each other a bit. Consider using one or the other of them, but not both.

Hope that's useful.

Seeks.

thank you Seeks

I have revised the poem - I saw some glaring nits

Nature of part time work

The amber lit street stares
at one tyre-tread
impression
beside the shallow puddles
of the asphalt

The street lamp
looks downcast like
a head-less stale lager
with no soul tonight

The restaurant spruiker
waits for some patrons,
sighs ,lights a smoke
and bevels the blinds

A solitary taxi crawls
past the front door;
its headlights en-lighten
the keyhole, so i can turn in
for an early night.

before I saw your edit, I wrote:The sequence is simple and self-explanatory, not much anyone can say on this one but "good job!" A question though: is there something ironic in going back inside, then smoking?

Excuse me...you already revised it...I think.

All has been said.

Good work Arco.

Like stepping into an Edward Hopper painting.

Cam