Poetry Forum

The Farewell Party

In the end, the blender blew a fuse
and the cake never got made,

some young thing had whipped up a fuss,
she had more power than my dingy kitchen.

The tongues tangled in stiff-peaked whispers
would have attended the green eyed owl's party

and Betty's bitter batter could have been reclaimed,
if someone with eggs had coughed up the truth.




Removed-

Those tongues tangled in stiff-peaked whispers
would have attended the titillating party
---
The Farewell Party

In the end, the blender blew a fuse
and the cake never got made,

some young thing had whipped up a fuss,
she had more power than my dingy kitchen.

The tongues tangled in stiff-peaked whispers
would have attended the party for the green eyed owl

and Betty's bitter batter could have been reclaimed,
if someone with eggs would have coughed up the truth.




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Very ... kitcheny!

Stanzas 1, 2, and 4 are right on. Stanza 3 (so far) doesn't fit.

D.

Thank you. I am glad you liked the kitchen feel. I have edited it and hope it is a better mixture. lol.

Warmly,
Suzanne

S, I think this needs a slight tweak, but nearly there - would have attended the party for the green eyed owl

I think you could delete the odd word from the last lovely line and still keep the lovely.

This is an odd one Suzanne, I really like it up to and including the 'stiff-peaked whispers' line, which is great. It loses me a bit in the last three lines though.

I can't make head nor tail of the green eyed owl bit and I'm in two minds about 'Betty's bitter batter'.

Thank you clara, and Nash.

I have tweaked again... how it that?
Suzanne

A tweak too far for me and can you post the original? C/

I like this loads, it's got a lot of brevity. That is, it's more to the point than your usual fare. I keep on seeing bitter banter and I also think that the 3rd couplet is a bit weak. Can't recall what you originally had but titillating don't seem right.

Hi Clara, I reposted the orginal and am curious what you are thinking.

Ray,
Brevity, I will have to try that more often. Glad you liked it, are you suggesting just removing the titillating word?

Suzanne

The green-eyed owl. Bring her back. She was a hoot.

and overpowered my dingy kitchen?

Ok, i will.
I think you are very funny.

You are going to have to suggest how s3 should go. You have confused me now you said you didn't like it ...

I did not even realize the green eyed owl was a she! She is a sneaky bird, no doubt.

Suzanne

The tongues tangled in stiff-peaked whispers
would have attended the green eyed owl's party

and Betty's bitter batter could have been reclaimed,
if someone with eggs had coughed up the truth.

It's a doddle, this poetry lark, a piece of cake.

I like it!
Buy you a pint, ray?

Thanks,
Suzanne

Hello Suzanne

I like this piece, I love "Betty's bitter batter" sounds so good. Only thing I do not get is the title, I know it is farewell party, but in the piece itself I get no hint of it. Maybe it is just me. There is a party but somehow the piece is disconnected from the title for me it does keep me wondering though who's party is it and keeps me wanting to know more which is good.

Thanks Nino for the reply.

It was all office politics, I imagined, and the cake never got made.
Maybe the green eyed owl was jealous of the young thing who fussed. lol.

and someone lied.


Well, thanks for the comment. I appreciate it.
Suzanne