heya im new to this..can u please check out my poems...

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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lotzandlotzandlotz
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:16 pm

Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:34 pm

The Loss of Petals

Imagine a petal on a flower,
As a year of your life,
Slowly dropping off,
Without a cut of a knife.

But you run out of petals,
After a number of years,
Then all the other flowers,
Are filled with tears.

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Without You

Your my picture of perfection,
your everything i need,
everything i want,
everything i strive for.

There are plenty of other people,
plenty of fish in the sea,
but theres only one you.
And theres only one me.

Without you im lost,
without you i'll drown.
i need a shoulder to cry on,
a laugh from a clown.

My hand fits your,
our eyes may meet.
You'll give me your coat,
i'll give you my seat.

Your the land that i walk on,
your the air that i breath.
your all i want.
And all i need.
without you... its just me.

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I Dont Love You

I dont want your kiss anymore,
i dont want your love.
Even if we go together,
like a hand to a glove.

I dont need your attention,
or your "dont worry dear",
i just want my life back,
Are you listening? Do you hear?

I dont hear your song anymore,
or smell your deadly smell.
i just want to forget,
you and that other girl.

I dont want to know what your doing,
or where you are..or with who.
I just want you to understand,
I really dont love you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks Let me know what your think!
-xXx-
cameron
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 2162
Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:45 pm
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Location: Norfolk 'n' Good

Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:45 pm

Hi lots

Welcome to the forum, but please can you only post 1 poem per thread. You can only post 2 in a day and need to review at least 1 poem for each one that you post. (See rules at the top.)

You'll get more feedback if you post poems separately.

Thanks
Cam
Aryys
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2005 7:44 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:20 pm

hi,

love your first poem, was very profound and i loved the symbolism
your second was very sweet and touching
i'm afraid i didn't like the mode of your third, exellent poem but kind of scary and final a bit too much alanis morisette in that one
"Reality is a myth, albeit a very persistant one"
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