Poetry Forum

The Affair

Confined in some domestic mediocrity,
Stale memories only entrap.
Turned cold to what formerly incensed.
Formality to what previously burned.

A candle under the bell jar,
Flickering out while suffocating and
Found helpless while the home fires burn out.

Embers only stoked by alternate passions,
Envisioning a new hearth and jar removed,
Old dreams rekindle with a new flame.

Conflagrating domestic mediocrity,
Traps burned by the freedom fires within.
New sparks draw a hot flare from the ashes,
Fluttering like a moth to an open flame.

Hi Blue,

I enjoyed this sonnet, particularly the fire/flame metaphor. However, some of it seemed rather impenetrable. Also there are too many lines which are 'telling' rather than 'showing' particularly in stanza 1.

It works best (for me) when you stick closely to the metaphor eg the contrast between the 'home fires' burning out and the 'new sparks' from the 'new flame'.

If I read it right, it seems to suggest that extra-curricular activities renew the home flame? But the ending warns of impending doom?

Making it clearer would make it more effective.

Off to catch a plane.

Cam

Yah, I need to work on it some more. It's sometimes difficult when you know what you mean, but others do not. I'll get back to you on this one... thanks for your comments.