From a cloud

[pseud]

You sailing somber girl, with ninety nine balloons.
Don’t leave me, sprout holes for helium-leaking.
Lips still chapped, we’ll tread autumn from the ground.
Late bulbs might still bloom.

One more picture on the cloud topsides, where the air is thin
braid your quilt, wrap back up in a parachute, for now withdrawn,
don’t leave me, sprout holes for helium-leaking.

One more sandbag breaking hot air, float you far
as I pressured you, blistered you, wound you like a kite.
Braid your quilt, wrap back up in a parachute, for now withdrawn.

One more hug before the winter, yank your height
untying the canvas tongue of an attached lover
as I pressure you, blister you, wind you like a kite.

One more close-up on a film, between slip-covers,
so we’ll not forget the kissing scene we cut
untying the canvas tongue of an attached lover.

One more thing: it was not out of pity, anything but.
I'm just a guy on a stratus cloud, please come back soon
so we’ll not forget the kissing scene we cut.
Lips still chapped, we’ll tread autumn from the ground.
Late bulbs might still bloom.

[Bombadil]

...

it reaches a few times, for the dramatic.

but to me...

this is your best one yet.

Marvelous work.

take a bow.

[pseud]

Where would the over-reaching be? Curses, I hate over-reaching, was hoping to avoid that.

And thanks for generous words.

- Caleb

[Bombadil]

ah...

winterous nights and altitude air come to mind most directly...

[pseud]

yes I see that.

You'll have to pardon me, staring at this...poem...monster...thing...all week makes it very hard to take a fresh look at it. I considered dropping the form several, several times because of all the repeating repetition.

[pseud]

ok. That's it. The edit button will not be pushed again. I promise.

[Bombadil]

I don't recognize the form, though I recognized the repetition...

What is it?

[pseud]

Terzanelle

[Bombadil]

oh fuck you, then. I hadn't had a chance to bone up on Arco's post. You beat me to it, and you did it well, you little shit.

kidding, of course.

fucker.

[pseud]

?--

can't you still write one?

Or not? I guess that would be a violation of the code of honor. In the small world of the neurotic poetry-form connaisseur that could be like like eating leftovers. Can't have that.

...in that case can I interest you in some Chinese couplets?

[Bombadil]

or in my part of town: sloppy seconds.

[cameron]

Nice one Caleb. I think the refrain lines work really well and reinforce the overall tone of the poem.

'Late bulbs might still bloom' - great ending.

Cheers
Cam

[BlueForAQuarter]

Uh, hi... ignorant girl here... any chance of getting someone to explain what a "terzanelle" is? (I looked it up, but the explanation I found didn't really help much.)

[Bombadil]

See Arcadian's explanation in the tutorial section...should help.

[pseud]

Yeah and as you'll see this is a slight variation. For example, I dropped the end of the first tercet.

[Arcadian]

Hi Pseud,

I apologise , i did not see this earlier ( was busy researching next tutorial,reading and writing a short story)

i agree with bombadil - this surely is your best yet --- perhaps I should start giving out "Arco awards" for the best "forms attempted" from the tutorial forum.

I like the variation, or the breaking of the rules to the terzanelle it added a freshness - topic is modern enough and not archaic, the slant rhymes are very clever I found, not forced - very adept pseud ! - Ienjoyed this very much.

So congratulations for first posting a Terzanelle in UK poets Graves ( much to the dismay of MR PROLIFIC - bombadil ...bad luck keith ...you will have to come up with some thing better buddy or mind blowing to usurp caleb's crown)

iam very pleased you tackled the terzanelle

Arco

PS - suggest you try submitting to a poetry contest ( as they are rare as hens teeth them terzanelles - give it a shot buddy ) if you are so inclined.

[pseud]

Thank you for the compliments, though I did wonder if you saw anything that could be improved?

Alas, I am being a pest. (big surprise.)

You seem busy my friend. Research and reading pretty much sum up my least favorite activities at the moment...

- Caleb