When I was Born

[JohnLott]

I knew when I was born,
In the year of the Scorpion, at half past three
and four degrees left of a crescent moon;
there would be controversy.

No man is an Island, I was told
as I floated in on the solar wind.
‘But what about a comet?’ I replied in bold
bodoni font size ten as Ballad took my hand.
No answer. With his hand on my tail
we crash landed in Reading Gaol.
Of course Wilde went wild.

A truly, madly Minghella moment
of which I was proud. But really,
deeply irrelevant to my birth and
the green fluid under my skin is
testament that I am not of this earth.

I am a story, I am words, I am poetry.
The nibs of broken pens
constantly renewed to become a book:
I am the chapters, the pages, the anthology.

I floated on a sentence out of there,
over wall and down the vale,
past the Madejski football crowd.

I became the film, the dvd (in HD), the game.
The hero of every child who,
before I was born, had rarely smiled.
Until then crazy fancies caused pain
and dull and dour were pure joy:
Pleasure was silence, potatoes, leeks and flowers.
Now LukePercyPotter is written to thrill a boy.

[Arian]

Hi John. Can I just ask...is this:

and four degrees left of the slivered moon;

a typo? A number of possible answers occur:

1. Yes it is. OK, fine, so correct it. And then it's a bit dog-eared.
2. No. It's a deliberate, but ironic, corruption. OK, fine, but ironic corruptions - indeed, irony of any kind - seems missing elsewhere in the piece, so it's out of place. Readers will read it as a typo.
3. No, it's deliberate, but not ironic - it's a genuine attempt at new imagery. OK, fine, but then it's weak (I'd say). I can see how you might force a case for a "slivered" moon, but it doesn't seem to me to be an adjective that has natural appeal in this context.

I've focused on the micro rather than the macro, here, but - hey - sometimes you have to. Others, no doubt will feed back on the piece in the round.

Cheers
peter

[JohnLott]

Hi Peter.
Deliberate.
slivered = slice of moon.
New way of saying new moon. Well maybe not.
But then N is not of this world

I'll think about changing it but can't promise.

I also conclude that the macro view is an accident.

J.

[calico]

Who or what are you?!
This is definitely fun - lots of surprises - like the Madejski stadium outside Reading gaol...Time-travelling?
It's overwritten in places I think - like I love this line:
Pleasure was silence, potatoes, leeks and flowers.

But I'd prefer it without the 'silence', letting me work out for myself that vegetables are silent.
I also think it's over-rhyming, i.e joy and boy in the last stanza......just sounds trite.

As for what it's about...ummm...
I don't know what you are. On one hand you're cosmic and filmic, but then you're poetry and an anthology too. What's Oscar Wilde doing in there? Is he the bad old times or the good old times? Not sure - doesn't matter-
The boldness of your writing works well in this poem in my opinion.
I don't think you need 'that' after 'pens' do you?

[JohnLott]

Thanks for your read, Megan.
Man has been gifted (from the gods as it were) with literature and it is what we are doing with it, in a socio-intellectual context. Once children grew into ‘adult’ appreciation – earned their spurs so to speak; they had to be seen and not heard, they had ‘natural’ pursuits and appreciation: Now adults are mixing it with (popular) children’s consumption.

Sorry about the 'over-rhyming' - rhyme was not intentional in this piece.



J.

[twoleftfeet]

John,

Crash landing in Reading's "goal" or "gaol"?
- well, you did mention the football stadium, so maybe it's not a tpyo..

Even with your explanation the final stanza still isn't working for me, but I did enjoy the quirkiness of S1,S2 and S3.

Geoff

[JohnLott]

Hi Geoff,
Oscar Wilde went to jail - goal. He wrote his poem 'Reading Goal'. Reading(town) reading (literature).
The association of that in transit refers to football-gaols-the Stadium: the obession of society to football as a game....



J.

[k-j]

I think this would work very well performed. On the page, with all those crazy sonics and wild associations, it's like fireworks going off in a box.

Think I agree with the analysis of the slivered moon. It's sort of unsatisfying whichever way I look at it. Likewise "Reading goal" which I can't believe isn't a typo.

"Ballad took my hand"? Eh?

Love the green fluid. I really like the last four lines, "potatoes, leeks and flowers" especially.

Didn't get "LukePercyPotter", at least the first two.

[JohnLott]

Hi k-j

Thanks for the read.

I suppose I could do the cliched Crescent Moon? How about a geometric chord for anything up to a half-moon?

'Ballad of Reading Goal' - Oscar Wilde
not a typo - honest

Luke Skywalker - Stars Wars
Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
Harry Potter



J.

[k-j]

'Ballad of Reading Goal' - Oscar Wilde
not a typo - honest

Erm... yes it is?

Luke Skywalker - Stars Wars
Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
Harry Potter

Gotcha, but I think most people aren't gonna know which Luke and Percy you're referring to. Even "Potter" is pretty generic.

[JohnLott]

OK k-j
it's a typo. Put me in gaol.

I own up to an own goal

J.

[Bloggsworth]

I'd cut the slivered moon...

[JohnLott]

OK Blogsworth

Crescent (new) Moon

J.